A (second) letter I doubt I’ll be sending… to Ben Cousins.

Dear Ben.

Wow, you’re ears must have been burning BADLY for the last few days. Not only did the documentary of your drug problem and recovery BLITZ the ratings, you also became quite the hot topic on many radio and TV talk shows.

But I’m fairly certain you’re at one with your hotness by now. You should be.  I am. I made it quite apparent in my last letter to you, but HOLY SHINOODLE! It’s actually ridiculous how much of a spunk you really are.

Ridiculous because by all accounts, the footage we saw of you during your using, withdrawl and recovery stages should have looked more like someone who was abusing and destroying their body, but somehow you managed to maintain your physique and good looks and that’s just not fair to the all the other druggies who look like… ahh, druggies.

That’s why everyone calls you a rocks star. But even that’s not accurate. Have you ever seen Ozzy Osbourne?  Or Keith Richards? The effects of years of drug abuse is evident in every crevice of their weathered face and every word they speak.

Perhaps they should quit calling you a rock star and start calling you a freak. Because you seem to be impervious to the effects of soul destroying, physically damaging and emotionally crippling drug abuse.

Truthfully Ben, I found your doco compelling. Of course I would, I’m a West Coast Eagles fan and took interest in your demise and the effects it had on a team I love. But more than that – I was interested to understand how the drugs affected you beyond what we saw and read in the media.

While I don’t agree with the many criticisms of your brave departure from your addictions, I did find myself wondering, WHERE’S THE REST? Perhaps you kept some parts of your withdrawl and recovery private?  I think your father and sister expressed how bad it was, and how scared they were, and how much of a fight it was better than you did.

And look that’s fine, you’re a public figure – have been for years and you’ve probably found survival by keeping your cards close to your chest. You’ve shared your story with us, but I think much of the criticisim is coming to you because you failed to show us the WHOLE story as Sports writer Jesse Hogan so eloquently pointed out in yesterday’s Sydney Morning Herald.  There were no signs of the heartache and physical pain that comes from ridding your body of the poisons you’ve been feeding it. There was no footage of you suffering in the way that most drug addicts suffer when they’re detoxing.

Instead we saw you riding waves, hopping on planes, training in some nice tight pants, and then publicly apologising – which was evidently filmed on your way to a Star Wars dress up party.  I realise that was all important in the process of your recovery, and I know you must have suffered hugely when you were kicked out of the AFL and rejected from various clubs.  But what about the REAL suffering that was separate to your career. Only your father and sister expressed it.

I was interested when the family friend who took you surfing said, “Ben has no peace inside, he should spend time finding that peace not pursing football. Practice meditation , get in touch with what your running from and accept life is not a one way ego trip. He should do more for others and find a deeper sense of personal respect. The drugs then don’t matter so much.”

And another commenter who said, “Ben has been taking his whole life and he has never had to give.”

Der! Hello? What did I tell you in my last letter?

Whilst filming a doco is beneficial in that it opens up opportunities to discuss drug abuse within families, it doesn’t really take you out of yourself and your own problems. In fact it focuses on them further.

Dude. It’s time to do some charity work. It’s time to give. You are SO lucky to have an amazing and supportive family, and also friends and mentors who have been completely and 100% on your side during your recovery. THEY have been giving of themselves to help you.

I know you’re not fully recovered and retiring this weekend from a game that has consumed over half your life will be hard. I’m not suggesting that it’s time to forget your own struggles, particularly at this difficult time of transition. But perhaps you’re underestimating the benefits that helping others will bring to your life.

Last night while watching part 2 of the documentary, our dinner guests made a prediction that you would be dead in five years. I was appalled. What a terrible thing to suggest and predict for another human’s life.  But their reasoning was fair. You don’t seem to be totally rid of the demons. Laughing about it as you did at times (while possibly a nervous thing) gave the impression that you thought it was funny. And without the regimes of footy, what will keep the demons away?

So I do worry for you – genuinely. Not only because I like you and think you are oh so terribly handsome. But I worry because I’m pretty sure I know who you’re infamous dodgy friends are that some referred to on the doco. I recognise how easy it must’ve been to be seduced into their world when at such a young age – you weren’t forced to go through what most young people do. And that is working out who you are, what you believe in, what you truly want for life outside of a successful career.

You were probably told by every person from a young age that you were a champion and a brilliant footy player. Highly skilled and a force to be reckoned with on the field. All true. But that’s not enough to live by is it?

                              

As you said, you had no inner peace. Adualation from the world doesn’t give your life meaning.

I’m sure your life – particularly now – is filled with meaning. But I think the purpose and quiet accomplishments that comes from helping others will make you more of a champion and make YOU feel like you are more important than any Brownlow medal or Premiership season.

Just saying….

So that’s all from me, possibly forever. I can’t think of any reason why I might need to write to you a third time. I’ll be watching your final game on Sunday against Port Adelaide. PLEASE annihilate them in the same manner you did so to yourself on drugs.

And thank you for all the magnificent games you’ve given me to watch. Your supporters, your team mates and your competitors will miss you out there. You are a truly a star and I hope you can keep on shining. With or without your shirt on. Either way it’s pretty.

All the best,
Cindy

Does my bum look big in these runners?

I have a big bum. It’s not one of those freaky ‘Kim Kardashian Out-Of-Proportion With The Rest Of My Body’ bums. No. Because my thighs are fairly chunky too.  But I am one of those girls who was delighted when J-Lo became Sexiest Woman Alive, and then Beyonce. Because somehow it validated my booty. It was bigger than I wanted, but that was ok, because big butts were the new black.

                   

Over the last decade, the Ladies of the Big Bottom Brigade have been revelling in their additional centimetres, singing in perfect unison to the tune of “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.”

But to be honest, it had seemed to me that lately, bottoms of presence were becoming a dying trend. That over accentuated arses were losing appeal and that despite girls like Kim K, girls like Megan Fox were dominating  the ‘Sexiest Women’ lists meaning… big bums were not just out there, they were out!

So when I saw this ad for Nike, I won’t lie. I did a little happy dance. Maybe if you’re one of those wiry, slender little coat hanger types with a butt that resembles 2 perfectly formed little hamburger patties rather than 2 big Christmas hams…. Then this ad will do nothing for you.

 

In advertising terms, this ad is seriously good. Not just because girls like me go, “Oh, that’s cool… they’re not using a typical woman with a body like a marathon runner in their ads. She’s normal like me….”

The brilliance goes way beyond that.  Because often girls like me are a bit self conscious at the gym. We want to go but feel like we don’t really belong. We want to put on our runners and go for a brisk walk/jog/run/walk/jog/pant pant pant… walk, but we feel like we’re not fit enough, and it probably won’t do anything anyway, and what if someone is behind me and can see my but jiggle.

This ad makes me relate. And once I relate, I feel like I can be that girl. Exercise like that girl. And to be that Nike ad girl, I need the Nike shoes.

And butts aren’t the only thing… They’ve done versions for legs, knees, hips and shoulders that go as follows:

LEGS
My legs
were once two hairy sticks
that weren’t very good at jump rope
but by the time I reached the age of algebra
they had come into their own
and now in spin class
they are revered
envied for their strength
Honoured for tier beauty
hairless for the most part
except that place the razor misses
just behind the ankles.
Just do it.



THIGHS
I have
thunder thighs
and that’s a compliment
because they are strong
and toned
and muscular
and though they are unwelcome
in the petite section
they are cheered on in marathons
fifty years from now
I’ll bounce a grandchild on my thunder thighs
and then I’ll go out for a run.
Just do it

(See I don’t know about you – if you’re a girl that is…. But the copy in that thunder thigh ad gives me goose bumps. It makes me so proud that when I go shopping for knee length boots I can’t find any that will actually zip up because my calves are so huge… Because if I’m honest, I know a lot of the bulk in my calves is strength. And as much as I will always crave legs like Jen A… It’s still all good.)

KNEES
my knees
are tomboys
they get bruised and cut
every time I play soccer
I’m proud of them and
wear my dresses short
my mother worries
I will never marry
with knees like that
but I know
there’s someone out there
that will say to me
I love you
and I love your knees
I want the four of us
to grow old together.
Just do it

 

SHOULDERS
My shoulders
aren’t dainty
or proportional to my hips
some say they are like a man’s
I say leave men out of it
they are mine
I made them in 
a swimming pool
then I went to yoga
and made my arms.
Just do it

 

HIPS
my hips
return to puberty
when I’m in dance class
music affects them like hormones
making them crazy
and spontaneous
and optimistic
and prone to drama
and I don’t understand them
and sometimes they
don’t understand themselves
when the music stops
they’re still charged
don’t touch me
sparks will fly.
Just do it

So I think they’ve covered pretty much every insecurity known to women and their body parts. And this is why the ads should work.

I wish more products aimed at women would be this good. Because most of us are realistic. Exercise won’t give you Jennifer Aniston’s legs if it’s not in your DNA. Nike aren’t trying to seduce us with false hopes and unrealistic expectations. (Wear our runners and look like this.) The ads appeal to us because we relate.

Now can the creative mind who designed these ads please go and speak to the people at Pantene Hair products. Because seriously… AS IF!

A letter I doubt I’ll be sending… To Ben Cousins


Dear Ben

First of all, I’m sending you wishes of a speedy recovery in the hope that you return to full health. I’m sure I’m not alone in wanting to see you back on field soon and was relieved to hear this morning that you’re out of Intensive Care.

As a fellow sandgroper who like you – grew up in the southern suburbs of Perth but have moved interstate to fulfil lifelong dreams avoid unemployment, I wanted to tell you what we – you’re supporters, are thinking… besides for you to get well.

Truthfully, if I had written to you ten years ago, the letter would have gone something like this:

Dear Ben,
You’re hot. Marry me.
Oceans of Love, Cindy

If I had written 5 years ago, it may have gone more along the lines of:

Dear Ben.
You’re a legend, an absolute bloody champion!  You may have noticed the enclosed 76 West Coast Eagles Guernseys. These are for all my foster children in Africa and I would LOVE it if you could sign the FRONT of all of them, so I can pass them on.  That would be great. DON’T WORRY about telling your management, just remember it’s 100% legit and for a good cause. The orphans thank you and will be chanting your name in harmonious celebration and ceremony.
Love your work. Cinders.

I’m only kidding Ben. I would NEVER be able to afford 76 foster children. It would be more like 30.

But footy seasons come and footy seasons go, and before you know it, life resembles nothing of the past. Things have changed. Like… you’re not an Eagle anymore. You’re a Tiger. A very flexible one by the look of it too.

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but this year is NOT year of the Tiger.  Not in China, not in golf, and not in footy either.

Look don’t get me wrong, I STILL think you’re a champion, but HELL I DO NOT want to marry you.

And those Guernseys? I’d be a bit reluctant to sell those on eBay now. Not only because of the eBay police. But because…. Well you know.

I remember like it was yesterday the enormity of your very public demise. I felt sad for everything. Sad for the Eagles, sad for your gorgeous family, (who I have met… I organised your mother’s 50th and your brother’s 21st), and sad for you.  Well I felt sad for you, until I saw you get arrested with your shirt off.

Mmmm.. That day – women Australia wide stopped being sad for you because how can you feel sad for someone who is totally FRYING YOUR BURGER!

                 

I’ll say this. Being a champion sure does suit you… But so does being a bad boy. You must know this. I mean, secretly you love it right? Being one of AFL’s bad boys? Because you’re not doing anything to lose the image.

Not that I would put you in the ranks of someone like Fervola. He might get called ‘bad,’ but he’s not. He’s just a damn good footy player with no social etiquette and about as appealing to women as a feral wild pig. And Barry Hall? He’s considered bad but he’s not.  He’s just stupid. A brainless chunk of macho carcass with a head more suited to ten pin bowling. Not the sport, the ball.

You are a ‘bad boy’ because nothing you’ve done is that unusual for a highly successful bloke you’re age. You’re extraordinarily talented, particularly good natured and very well spoken and well mannered. Plus you’re a hot spunk. But you’re mischievous.

              

So why can’t you shake the bad boy image?

Why is everyone presuming that this last trip to hospital was a result of more deceptive and illegal behaviour?  “Suuuure it was a reaction to a prescription pill…” I’ve heard.

“Suuuure he just happened to shave off all his hair right before a drug test….” Was another one doing the rounds.

Can giving a camera the middle finger be that damaging to a reputation? I think moving to Melbourne was the start of shaking the rumours and negative image. Any underworld figures who lured you into their schemes and deals, any cohorts who participated in drug binges, any journalists who had it in for you… well they’re not so close now, and taking a side step into your old ways – even just for a weekend, is not so easy when it’s far away.

But Ben I think there’s more work to be done. Every time there’s a story on you, the drugs come up. An act for which you have self-confessed but do not even hold an offence for.  In fact the ONLY offence you have against your name is a traffic offence for an unsafe U-turn. Like who’s never done that before?

But they add the car accident to their list of “Why Ben is a Bad Boy.”

“Oh he must have been driving under the influence of drugs.”

See what I mean? You have not shaken your past, despite doing your toxology tests, and coming through all clear… But I am going to tell you how you can.

Following your traffic offence, you were ordered to participate in community service and donate to charity. I think you’ve done that, by playing for Richmond.

However, I think you should do more!

Currently you do not support or back a charity. You should. (If you do, then why don’t we know?) 

Get involved in your community and give of your money and time to those who will never have the opportunities you have had. Children who are forced to take drugs to survive.

There are DOZENS of celebrities who’ve been busted for drugs. Unfortunately we are much more hesitant to give our sporting celebs a second chance. But I think if Mickey Rourke can get nominated for a an Oscar, you should at least be in the running for another Brownlow before your footy career is over. But you guys who play footy are meant to be role models and heroes. So stop being a ‘fallen’ hero, and go be a fully upright one!

You’ve had a hero moment, when you won the Brownlow. How did it feel? You must’ve felt such a sense of accomplishment and worth. And then again when you won the Grand Final.

Did you know you can feel like that any time, by helping to support and encourage young kids? Or sick kids? Or sick adults? Or drug addicted teens?

 I understand you’re probably a really busy guy. I know you have to commit a lot of time and physical energy to your sport, passion and career. But I think when the media and community at large see you giving of yourself and serving others, the rewards will outweigh the cost to you.

I should mention in closing that in some ways you are already providing a great service to parts of the community by keeping fit, and doing photo spreads in GQ magazine.  Because I’m not alone is saying you really do sizzle my schnitzel, smoke my camembert, and char grill my chicken.

Yep. Meats and cheeses – you are rocking my deli baby!

I realise you have a lot to get through in the next week or so, concentrating on recovery and fitness, so I’ll understand if I don’t hear from you right away.  But please give me a buzz before the off season, preferably before Mad Monday. (Let’s face it; you’re not winning any premierships this year…) 

Oh well, SUCH IS LIFE hey Ben… there’s always next year.

Chat soon.
Yours ever so admiringly
Cindy

Memo to all women : Get baking, get naked, or GET LOST! Footy doesn’t want you.

Right now is probably not a good time for me to be writing this. I am super furious and have just spent half an hour reporting to Facebook administration some ATTACKING, SEXIST, DEROGATORY remarks made about Kelli Underwood. Some, alarmingly made by women.  (And no, I’m not ‘one of those’ people who report others, in fact this is the 1st time I have ever reported anyone on Facebook).

If you follow the AFL, you will probably know exactly who I’m talking about, but if not – let me tell you about Kelli Underwood.

She is the FIRST EVER female to commentate a game of AFL.  Sadly, Kelli is NOT the proud owner of a penis and because she lacks this apparent MANDATORY apparatus, has received a bucket load of completely UNFAIR and outright SEXIST backlash.

(Incidentally, Kelli should totally sue for defamation. I once started a group on Facebook about getting butchered by hairdresser and me and my 5 members apparently caused $50,000 worth of damage.   I would LOVE to see how much she could get out of the MONGRELS on Facebook who are attacking not just her ability to commentate, but her personally).

Last week the Daily Telegraph reported the following:

LAST weekend a young sports commentator by the name of Kelli Underwood made her calling debut on Channel 10 in the AFL pre-season competition.

If Kelli was a bloke, that event would not have attracted much attention. In fact, if Kelli was Kel, he would have been welcomed into the fold with open arms and nobody would have battedan eyelid.

Sadly for Kelli this week, she is not a bloke. Kelli Underwood (pictured) has been subject to the sort of scrutiny that only underworld criminals and out-of-form Australian cricketers normally face.

It is a different matter when Nicole Livingstone calls the swimming. You see, she was a swimmer. Liz Ellis calling netball. Fine – that’s a chicks’ sport. But heaven forbid any woman who dares to dream and cross that big thick white line into the male football domain.

Kelli will find out the hard way that the path she has chosen will be very rocky indeed. The bloggers are just the beginning. Macho radio commentators have expressed grave concern about Underwood’s future. Even sensible male journalists believe that she has absolutely no chance of succeeding in this most brutal of worlds. This has all been expressed in week one, before we even find out if the girl has talent.

I must admit I turned on the AFL last weekend and was shocked to hear a female voice calling the game. We are so finely tuned to hearing men that any female, no matter what she says, is going to sound strange and foreign.

But that doesn’t mean we should put a line through her name just yet. Underwood deserves exactly the same chance as any one of her male counterparts. From the small portion I heard, it is obvious that the girl knows and loves the game.

The mere fact that she has decided to pursue her goal shows a determination and gutsiness that is admirable. Underwood would be well aware that the female experiment lasted two minutes on Channel 9’s cricket commentary.  Kate Fitzpatrick was such a disastrous choice as the pioneering woman on the cricket commentary team that no one has ever dared to venture there in the two decades since.

Firstly, well said Rebecca Wilson who wrote the article, especially the bit about nobody batting an eye if it was a new bloke commentating.

But Kelli didn’t enter into this role blind folded. She was well aware of the attention she might receive saying, “Obviously the whole ‘woman’ thing will be a talking point and I understand it’s an issue that polarises people and a lot of people have an opinion. But I’m a woman and I’ve earned this opportunity and I’m going to go for it.”

Here is a snippet of Kelli commentating. Keep in mind it was right before the final siren.

Some complain it’s not the fact that she’s a woman, but rather – that her voice is annoying and painful to listen to.  For real?

Have any of you heard Rabs (Ray Warren) commentate a game of NRL? Talk about annoying. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, tune into Game 2 of the State of Origin on the 9th June and you’ll know the second he opens his mouth.  Because I would rather hear a recording of someone vomiting excessively than listen to him, but you don’t see many HATE groups on Facebook for him do you? 

To give you an example of some of the atrocious and abhorrent things being said about Kelli, I’ve cut some out below.

   

From the Facebook group: Operation Sack Kelli Underwood from Commentating (members 11,026)

  • F**K UP BITCH!
  • Dumb f**k she is! She is ruining the Cats vs dees game. Just f**k off biatch! You are single handedly ruining Australian Rules Footy!!!!!
  • Get in the canteen and off my f***ing tv!!!!!!! You are boring and crap!!! Women should stick to cleaning and serving food – NOT commentating!!!! What next a f***ing female coach get a grip!!!!!!
  • She’s a fu**n slag f**k her off real quick
  • Kick the bitch in the guts!!!paaaa smelly kelli get outta here C***!!!
  • Back in the kitchen BITCH, and cook me some PIE!
  • Women are good at lots of things, but leave this job to a man who knows the know. Like Dennis!

From the Facebook discussion group: Underwood was employed BECAUSE she is a woman

  • I have seen her do two games, go away girl and do a story on cooking as you are boring as a football commentator
  • I agree footy is a game played by blokes so naturally someone who commentates should have personal experience in the game! Seriously how many blokes would get to commentate netball?

His name is Luke Darcy, and he commentates netball you brain dead hack. Also, there are loads of male AFL commentators who have never played a single game.

From the Facebook discussion group:  Women in Football????

  • It doesn’t work….now we gota put up with this raspy voiced, throat clearing mess while she commentates Geelong’s finest games…any1 know of a female in the football media that’s worth knowing??? even malthouse fell by the wayside after she finished giving handjobs in primary school carparks
  • Women should stay out of footy. its only 4 men.
  • I agree with everyone and everything said – females involved in AFL is wrong – umpiring, goal umpiring, commentating, anything (only if the girl is blonde with a tiny waist and big boobs then I’m pretty sure they are allowed to be the physiotherapist)

And that’s not all. There are so many hate groups aimed at this woman, you would think she was the master mind behind the Bali bombings.  And it’s not just Facebook groups. There are TONS of on-line forums on the topic like this one that say Kelli should’ve been drowned at birth! 

So the main message we’re getting from the semi-deranged masses is that women and football don’t mix. Women should stay FAR AWAY from the game. We should instead, be venturing off the field, and into the kitchen. Yes, because The Kitchen is where ‘we belong.’

Well knock me down with a feather,  that’s a new concept!! Women in the kitchen…. and the millions of male chefs who incidentally; often get paid more for cutting the same onion.  Have you noticed on EVERY competitive cooking show, the judges are MEN? 

To those who say that Kelli get in the kitchen… are you suggesting that women should be like that of a 1950’s housewife? If so, it’s too late! Read your friggin history books. The men went to war – the women kept the rest of the world turning, and we were changed forever.  Have none of you seen the movie A League Of Their Own? 

I would like to bet my left breast that Kelli is getting paid less than her male counterparts. As do all women on TV. Koshie gets more than Mel. Karl gets more than Lisa.  It’s a sad fact.

So anyway, on Saturday after reading a comment on facebook by one of my friends, saying if he wanted to watch a chick imitate a bloke, he’d watch Ellen, I decided to watch.   Admittedly, I only usually watch my own team play, unless it’s finals, and the week Kelli was commentating a West Coast Eagles game, I was in Sydney where AFL is like honest politicians.

I couldn’t see the problem. Yes, she did a fair bit of the grunting macho voice when the on-field plays got heated or close to scoring, (as do male commentators) but she undoubtedly knows her stuff.  I can’t understand what’s so annoying about her.  

Yes she sometimes stated the obvious – but EVERY commentator does that, and I’m wondering if those who think she is annoying to listen to, are actually (consciously or subconsciously) irritated by the female voice, rather than what she is saying, or how.

These people would like Kelli – and in fact ALL women to leave their game alone, and give the job to one far more qualified. One with an Adam’s Apple and a set of testicles to boot. 

In fact, women of Australia…. let us leave football THE HELL alone. Let’s cancel our team memberships. Let’s stop watching games on TV. Let’s stop going to LIVE games. Lets’s STOP buying any merhcandise.

And you know what men – your beloved game will choke and die. Because it’s a well know fact that women make up a large percentage of memberships, of crowd numbers and TV viewers. And it’s also been documented that women are the ones who buy MOST of the team merhcandise.

So let’s stop. We should get back to the kitchen where we belong and bake pie.  How DARE we enjoy a game of footy! How DARE we be watching, let alone commentating.

I’d now like to bet my right breast that if Kelli had been sitting in the box wearing a bikini with her jugs out, men Australia wide would be saluting her. If she followed it up with a photo shoot for Zoo Weekly?  Why men would be praising her. 

“She’s a good sort” they’d say!

                                

And we’d hear all about her love of being naked, how she loves to have sex with her boyfriend during half time, how she once did it in the MCG locker rooms, and actually, how she loves it when she gets tipsy and ends up rooting the entire team – because you know, if you want to be part of AFL – that is where you belong.  Not as a contributing member of a fantastic game and a great Australian sport; but as a piece of ass.

And then they’d dedicate the legendary song “Up There Cazaly” to her but change the words as follows:

Up there Kel Underwood
Please will you quit?
Up there and at ‘em
And show ‘em your tits

Up there Kel Underwood
Keep quiet or die
You’ll get more admirers
By baking a pie

Some people think #3: AFL vs NRL

Or should I be writing: Wasted vs Naked?

With another weekend of sport approaching – and in the wake of Brendan Fevola admitting he has a significant gambling addiction and is seeking professional help in a bid to ”knock it on the head”, I was reminded of the triumphs and tragedies that face our countries sporting heroes.   Actaully I am reminded almost every weekend. I thought why not point out some loves and hates of everybody’s favourite game – whatever code you follow.

  • Some people think the AFL ‘s television deal, which amounts to 780 million dollars over five years is justified in comparison to the NRL, based on the fact that AFL was watched by a total of 65,023,000 and the NRL by only 40,272,000.
  • Some people think if the NRL want to keep up with the AFL they had better expand.
  • Some people think it’s completely acceptable behaviour to consent to sex in a public toilet with a Broncos player.
  • Some people think it’s completely acceptable to point your peen towards a window on the side of a building and release. Ahhhh.
  • Some people think taking a photo of a hot girl in the shower and showing all your mates is normal.
  • Some person is probably thinking… Give me back my loofah Lara!
  • Some people think that footy players are paid to play football and not be role models.
  • Some people think that most headlines on sport these days aren’t about the game at all. Instead they’re about players who CAN’T PLAY sport because they’d been too pissed and done something stupid enough to get them arrested or sacked or both.
  • Some people think AFL players are way hotter, not only because you can see their neck, but also because their body is leaner.

  • Some people think NRL players are way hotter, because even though they’re not too bright, they can lift heavy things, and they look good covering up their magic wand with their hand.
  • Some people think that footy players should just stay home at the weekend.
  • Some people think that if their family has supported a team for generations – and the players don’t have the decency to respect their fans or their clubs by behaving better, then why should they respect the clubs? …. If the players don’t?
  • Some people are over the moon that both the AFL and NRL have started clubs in opposing territory, in the attempt to branch out each code and attract new fans in a wider geographical location.
  • Some people think AFL is GAY FL.
  • Some people think NRL is NR SMELL.
  • Some people think that a footy player who sleeps with her every time he comes to her  town to play, will eventually leave his wife and 2 children for her… and gets upset when she sees him mention his wonderful family life in the papers.
  • Some people think that the Gold Coast Titans will be one of the biggest NRL teams in Australia because of the population growth in the area.
  • Some people think that the Labour party’s $60 million contribution to the Gold Coast stadium for the AFL, which will be completed in 2012 and hold about 25,000 is totally fair because AFL gets bigger crowds.
  • Some people think that when Nate Myles, naked and disoriented, defecated in a hotel corridor after frightening a family when he tried to get into their room… was an all time low point, and a dark day for NRL.
  • Some people think when Ben Cousins got arrested with no shirt on exposing his Such Is Life tattoo, that it was an all time low point, and a dark day for the AFL.
  • Some people think Ben Cousins with no shirt on exposing his Such Is Life tattoo, is one of the hottest things they’ve ever seen.

  • Some people think Ben Cousins is equally hot with his clothes on… and to those people i say.. CLICK HERE  Phwoooaar!
  • Some people think AFL is a better game because it’s faster and players score more. (I’m talking on the field)
  • Some people think NRL is a better game because it’s tougher and the tackles are more controlled.
  • Some people think Union is better because it’s still rugby, but without the 6-time tackle turn around.
  • Some people were just glad to see the little sand pit gone forever.
  • Some people think NRL players sometimes wish they were AFL players because they keep kicking the damn the ball.
  • Some people think it’s strange how in NRL actually scoring is only a –TRY!
  • Some people think AFL is stupid because if the player misses the score, they go: “Close, but not quite… we’ll give you a POINT for trying.”
  • Some people think it’s brilliant that the Melbourne Storm keep ‘beating them at their own game’
  • Some people think it was brilliant when the Sydney Swans won the grand final and ‘beat the Eagles at their own game’
  • Some people remember that day, and think there may have been a SARS outbreak in NSW… Suddenly. Aussie. Rules. Supporter. (Gee, guess who I support?)

 

I think the whole ‘battle of the codes’ is a waste of time when you could all be watching the REAL football, and REAL men for that matter. Hello Beckham! Hello Cristiano Rinaldo! Hello Harry!

What do YOU think?

Some people think #2 : Tiger Woods – Back in the game.

Before starting today’s Some People Think – here is Nike’s new ad featuring the voice of Tiger’s father, Earl Woods.

  • Some people think Tiger’s new Nike ad is poignant but genius.
  • Some people think he must now be a mute.
  • Some people are glad to see Tiger back in action at the US Masters this week.
  • Some people think a Tiger never changes his stripes. Once a tiger, always a cheetah.
  • Some people think the marketing people over at Nike must be giving themselves high fives and doing air punches in Jerry McGuire style, because everyone’s talking about their new ad.
  • Some people think the press conference held in Georgia prior to the Masters tournament was too controlled.
  • Some people think Tiger’s continuous attempts at saying sorry are rehearsed and a little phony.
  • Some people think he behaved contrite, composed and polite at his press conference.
  • Some people think he should take up dancing after the number of questions he side-stepped around.
  • Some people think Tiger Woods must have some serious mojo in the sack.
  • Some people think you might as well just give Tiger his 5th Green Jacket right now.
  • Some people think that Nike and also Accenture, are cashing in on – and using a personal disaster and struggle at the expense of his family. (ad copy below reads: It’s not a setback. It’s a test.)

  • Some people think he is trying harder to win fans back than winning a game of golf.
  • Some people think Tiger is still a big fat liar and still has plenty of apologies to make (mainly his whores think this – but also his kindergarden teacher)
  • Some people (in Melbourne) think the taxpayers handing over 1.5 million to have him back in October this year is totally worth having the presence of a champion.
  • Some people (In Melbourne) think  it would be wrong to finance his Aussie comeback.
  • Some people think… DO THE MATH – a cost of 1.5 million = approximately $30 million to Victorian economy.
  • Some people think Tiger Woods brought new meaning to his sponsor, Nike’s catch phrase – Just Do It.
  • Some people think that 5 months is not enough leave of absence time, and that Tiger Woods should be rotting in a hole somewhere.
  • Some people think Tiger’s ‘hero’ status is tarnished forever now.
  • Some people think once a champ always a champ – regardless of where you put your penis.
  • Some people think Tiger has learned his lesson – and really just wants to get on and do what he loves – which is playing golf.
  • Some people saw Tiger with his phone out on the course the other day, and think that he should probably burn that thing.

  • Some people think in 5 years time we’ll all be watching this play back on Channel Nine’s “20 – 1, World’s Sexiest Sporting Scandals”  Oh wait… sorry, already been done!

 

I think Tiger is an amazing golf player. I think he and Elin must have shared some incredible moments together, for there to be enough love for her to not kick him to the curb. I also think Elin has a level of dignity that I aspire to. I think Tiger should be playing golf. I don’t think Tiger Woods is addicted to sex, or painkillers or sleeping tablets. I think he has been addicted to his own ego – addicted to himself.  The best thing to cure something like that is a large serving of humility and I think as he continues to gulp it down he will redeem himself to the world eventually, and more importantly his family.

What do YOU think?