Every 7 seconds….

(As seen in October 2010 issue of Darwin Life Magazine)

How often do you think about sex? Constantly?  Or does it just….pop up…once in a while? One popular study urban myth suggests that men think about sex every seven seconds.

Seriously? Every seven seconds? How does THAT work! Particularly if say, you are the Leader of the Free World, or an International Tennis Sensation or actually… just trying to shave your face?

Comparatively of course, women think about it every seven days. But then again there are days when I think about the block of chocolate in the fridge every seven seconds, so I guess it’s possible.  Although with sex, you wouldn’t accomplish much besides staring into space with ‘wood.’

Tiger Wood? Yes Tiger would!

And if it’s every seven seconds, how long does each thought last? Surely not seven seconds.

And how was this seven second theory researched? Did they get a bunch of blokes into a room with pen and paper and say, “Please keep a tally of every time you think about sex?” 

And was Pamela Anderson conducting the survey? Because that may explain the theory. Every male participating in the study would be hoping she would strip down to her red swimsuit at any given moment.

I would like to have personally conducted that survey after giving birth, wearing a shapeless pair of tracky-dacks and a t-shirt with a trail of white sludge down my back from where the baby did one of those sneaky over-the-shoulder vomits. Because this would give us a more realistic result – yes?

Whatever the basis of the theory and no matter its validity – at least this gives us women the reason that men never really listen. How can they possibly hear, “Can you please pick up a carton of milk?” when they are deep in thought about burying their face into an entirely different milk source.

A more believable study recently conducted by Onepoll.com showed that men thought about sex thirteen times a day, in contrast to women – who think about it five times.  It also revealed that this is the case whether the subject is having a dry spell, or hitting the jackpot.

Five times still sounds generous to me.  Unless we’re talking about those times when a woman’s partner is asking her for sex, and she’s saying on five different occasions, ‘Seriously? Right now?”  Does that count as ‘thinking about sex’? Or maybe she’s saying ‘giddy-up’ five times a day and they’re dancing the horizontal mambo. Or the hippy-hippy shake. Or something.

Researchers also found that men think dinner and a massage get us women in the mood. Interesting, since Ryan Reynolds without his shirt on does the trick for me.   And apparently – women believe music and cooking get the man ready to ‘tap that.’  

Really?  Who ARE these women? They go to all the effort of arranging Barry White and roast beef?  Because usually me saying “Wanna see my boobs?”  is the only green  light required. 

Meanwhile, I wonder if that chocolate is still there…

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Friday night at the club: One girl’s quest for a good time.

I so wish this post was fictional. But no. This post is evidence of a shabby practise that has no doubt become many young women’s reality and weekend routine . What I’m about to tell you? It. Actually. Exists. And I have pictures to prove it!

PREFACE

Okay, so when I was in my late teens and early twenties I went clubbing. Not a whole lot, but enough to know what my fellow female clubbers were into and why they were there. Me? I was there to dance. And I did from the moment I arrived to the moment I left. I pumped it! Pumped it!  Pumped it – pumped it nice and hard. Get up on this? Oh yeah I absolutely did if I could. The podium that is.

Was I there to pick up? Nuh. And I made that more than clear to anyone who tried to get within 20 centimetres of my personal space.  The thing is… I was not alone in my quest to be out, dancing and having fun with my girlfriends. And that was all. When the music got rubbish, or we got tired we left. With each other.  And I know there were plenty of other girl groups with the exact same agenda.

In my mind, picking up in a club was so… Blergh! Gross. Tacky. Ugh… as IF!?! Prudence McPrude.  That’s me. So when I was preparing for a Friday night out  to go dancing at a club, my handbag would usually contain the following:

  • Wallet – including my driver’s licence & money
  • Phone
  • Keys
  • Face powder compact because my makeup usually sweated off from dancing, eyeliner and lipstick.
  • An elastic band for if my hair got too hot dancing and I needed to tie it back.

Right? Nothing unusual there… I don’t think!

I’ve posted before about women’s handbag’s and what they may or may not contain. I was being tongue in cheek. I was generalising based on an image and my own judgements of that image. Seems like I wasn’t being as discriminating as I thought.

BACK TO NOW

So this morning we (my family) went out and on the way home my husband says he needs to stop in at work. He runs a popular bar/restaurant on the main drag of Darwin. One of his supervisors was making him a coffee, and she mentioned they found a handbag this morning that had been left there by someone last night. She handed him the bag and said, “Look inside…”

Oh. My. Giddy. Aunt.

Here is the bag, and the contents of the bag.

Here is a written list of the contents.

  • 1 x hot pink G-string – size 14.
  • 4 x Mint Blitz Lifestyle condoms
  • 1 x Berry Blast Lifestyle condom
  • 3 x pieces of peppermint Extra gum
  • ¼ pack of Rainbow Mentos
  • 6 x safety pins
  • 1 x disposable toothbrush and toothpaste

So this girl’s agenda is fairly apparent. I don’t think she was there to dance. And as much as I think it’s outstanding that this girl has considered both safe sex and oral hygiene…

5 CONDOMS?? Really? And a fresh G-Banger? WHY?

I’m in the process of writing my column for October’s issue of Darwin Life Magazine. I’ve decided to write about how men and women think differently about sex. I sat here on my computer last night researching, looking at this study – and that report… and they were all conclusive. Men think about sex more than women.

I have no idea of this girl’s age but she just might be an exception to the research. She thought about sex when she was getting ready to go out. And she thought about sex enough to prepare everything from her mouth and her breath, to her pre-shag outfit. AND – she was preparing to get jiggy with it more than once. She was prepared for up to FIVE romps!   Clearly – this chick used to be a Girl Scout.  I can’t say if this girl was expecting to have sex with someone she knows or not, but I think if you have a boyfriend, you might not be so particular about brushing your teeth before getting that close.  Unless you have some kind of nasty gum disease…  So I’m just going to assume she was planning to ‘pick up.’

I’m also thinking she was a bit under the influence when she went home last night and apparently (hopefully) took with her, her wallet including her ID.

Good grief… Imagine if she left her ID in the bag.  How awkward would it be ringing her up to inform her that you have her handbag. “Yes, a small gold clutch purse, containing ahhh…. Hmm.”

Needles to say this chick is never getting her pink bum floss back. I can’t imagine her voluntarily walking back in to see if it’s been found.

 Meanwhile I find myself curious about 1 other thing. The safety pins… Perhaps it had something to do with what she was wearing…. Because I would have thought safety pins and condoms don’t really mix.

Chicks who kick butt!

There was quite the brew-ha-ha in the media this morning (and on Q&A on ABC last night) about the fact that Julia Gillard, our new PM is a woman. There were discussions about her suitability as a role model, given that she lives defacto with her partner and has no children, and also whether the fact that she is female will determine the polls come election time.

Our new Prime Minister is a woman. It shouldn’t make a difference, but it does! The whole discussion got me thinking about female role models.  Who decides what makes an appropriate role model.  What attributes must a woman possess to be deemed role model material. In a way, although I disagree politically on many issues with Julia, I think she is a good role model for young girls. I mean, she keeps her clothes on which is a change…

The discussions in the media this morning were in response to a column written, saying that Julia may give young girls the impression that it’s ok to live with their partner, if they ultimately wish to be married and have children.

Here are some excerpts from Bettina Arndt’s column today in the Sydney Morning Herald:

Shacking up is hard to do: Why Gillard may be leery of the Lodge

Living as a de facto with her partner may suit Julia Gillard, but does that make her a good role model for others? …….

It’s fine for Gillard – a 48-year-old woman – to live with her bloke. Yet as a popular role model for women, her lifestyle choice may influence other women into making big mistakes about their lives…..

Cohabitation produces two groups of losers among women and children. Most women want to have children – Gillard is an exception – and some miss out after wasting their primary reproductive years in a succession of live-in relationships that look hopeful but go nowhere, leaving them childless and partnerless as they hit 40.

It’s the women who end up stranded when they spend years in a succession of de facto relationships waiting for Mr Not Ready or Mr Maybe to make up his mind……

If Gillard chooses to play house in the Lodge, this choice sends a strong message to the huge numbers of women who rightly admire her and seek to follow her example. A lifestyle suited to her particular needs may be riskier for many women and their children.

I think this journo is utterly discrediting the intelligence of many young women. Julia is a role model not because of her personal relationship choices. She is a role model because of her abilities, her talents, and her ambition to occupy Australia’s top job.  Girls know that. Don’t they?

The glass ceiling may not be broken, but it’s certainly cracked, and it’s been done by women LONG before Julia’s time. Many of whom have chosen marriage and children, and career. It can be done, and it astounds me that a journalist in 2010 is suggesting that if Julia Gillard were married with children, she may not be where she is now.

We are inundated with images of women in the media and through popular culture. Women who millions of young girls look up to and aspire to be like. Women who are shown to us as having little substance, some talent, but most importantly – bucket loads of beauty.

It scares me to think how many girls look to Britney Spears or Miley Cyrus as role models. Or heroines like Bella from Twilight. Talented and beautiful they may be – but what do they represent?

My main role model growing up was Madonna. She kind of lost me at her Sex book, but prior to that I saw a woman who wanted to rule the world, a woman who grew up motherless, used her ambition and determination and limited talent, and turned it into an enterprise.  In retrospect, I see that she changed women’s sexuality. Using male sub-culture, she created a woman who was sex object and sex subject at the same time, allowing women to feel more powerful and in charge of their own sexuality.

I also looked up to Princess Diana. Mainly I just liked watching her in all those outfits and hats. But also she was graceful, dignified, and charitable.

Now I admire a different kind of woman altogether, but this morning as I thought about role models, and how refreshing it is to see a woman with clothes on being celebrated in the media for her achievements, I reflected on some other female role models in pop culture.  Women/girls whose sexuality or beauty comes second to their excellence, and their ability to kick butt.

I’ve made a list, because as you may have worked out by now, I love making lists.

               

  • Princess Fiona from Shrek

She chose to sacrifice her fairy-tale looks for love, challenging our cartoon cut-out Cinderella-style expectations of a princess who lives Happily Ever After. She’s a romantic at heart, but determined, strong, spirited and seriously awesome.

  • Beatrix Kiddo / The Black Mumba from Kill Bill

She abandons her life as a hired assassin when she realises she’s pregnant with Bill’s (head of the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad) child, denying him the right of fatherhood, in order to protect her unborn child. This action provokes the attacks on her leaving her in a coma. Upon waking from her 4 year sleep, she makes calculated plans to get revenge, proving that one lone woman can be more powerful and possess more testicular fortitude than some of the world’s baddest bad guys.

  • Anne Shirley

Am I the only one who remembers Anne of Green Gables? Her fiery, red-haired temperament and academic excellence, combined with her accident prone good intentions and drama queen tendencies intrigued boy-about-town Gilbert Blythe. But she would not be wooed by his tall, dark and handsome looks. Literature was her passion. Bold was her middle name. And she would sacrifice even love to follow her dreams, although love was eventually hers.

  • Hermione Granger

Here’s a girl with back bone. She’s a mud-blood in a wizard’s world, but that doesn’t get her down.  She’s studious, hard working, and knows her spells better than anyone so rather than copping it on the chin, she wields her wand at those who would bring her down and zaps them into subjects of pity. She’s courageous, loyal and undaunted by some of the underworld’s nastiest creatures.  I like her.

 

So there’s my list. In a world of botoxed, buxom, bootilicious beauties…. It’s nice to know there are some who can still be ultra-cool and clever without getting all their gear off.  No, Ms Gillard wasn’t on the list. She may be a role model for some which is great – but not for me personally. Not to say I’m not backing the carrot tops. There’s 2 out of 4 on my list that are red heads.

So who would make your list?

I’m Sorry Anna Nicole

Everywhere you turn these days there’s a girl in her knickers. A young actress who just scored the Armani underwear model gig; an ungracefully ageing pop queen; a reality TV star who wants to show us her new surgery enhanced bikini body; and a pop sensation who’s taken the world by storm with her lack of clothing and simply bizarre ‘performance art.’

Well there’s a few off the top of my head. Some other celebrity types go above and beyond – and DON’T show us their knickers, because they’re not wearing any. Mmm, yes these girls prefer to show the worlds waiting paparazzi how they pay homage to Brazil.

I’ve noticed over the years that the images presented to us have become increasingly raunchy. What was once an advert for jeans (albeit with sexual overtones) and included models wearing jeans AND tops….… is now models who; in the throws of a ménage a trios, look as though they’re about to climax – wearing nothing. Except jeans.

Here are some jeans ads from the 80’s

     

Here’s are some jeans ad from last year

So is this sex in the media getting out of control? Or are magazines, music, tv and advertising just the messengers in terms of what has become acceptable popular ‘raunch’ culture?

Raunch culture is definitively thriving, but some say it’s been around for decades. Truthfully – the mantra SEX SELLS is by no means the new black. Many believe its pretty much Chapter One of the Grand Advertising Bible that says: Push Boundaries. Use Sex. Sell more stuff. Get rich.

And you know, sex may have been in advertising for years, but you can’t deny the boundaries to push have totally moved.

And those opposed to seeing these overtly explicit and borderline pornographic images are labelled as matron like customs agents, standing on the outskirts of Conservative Nerd Land, waiting to stamp all the bulimic model asses and pop star booties as they cross over into the glamorous Kingdom of Raunch.

“There you go Ms Christina Aguilera. There’s your passport, and your Visa. Until you make a new album with songs that don’t include the words Dirty, or show you crawling subjectively in a boxing ring in your red knickers… you’re officially RAUNCHY”.

(ooh, I do like that song… great beat)

At age 36, I am one of those people who sometimes remember the good old days. I realise this makes me a TOTAL NANA, but something has happened to me and I can’t watch most film clips without a million cynical and judgmental thoughts.

Ok, seriously do any of you remember the following….

  • When Olivia Newton John’s “Lets Get Physical” was considered risqué.
  • When Madonna sang about feeling “Like A Virgin” as she crawled all over a gondola like a cat on heat and was labelled as lewd, suggestive and inappropriate.
  • When Cher, in a see through seat-belt-jumpsuit straddling on a cannon aboard a navy ship, was thought to be racy and too sexy.

Yes they were the good old days and I barely blinked an eye, I didn’t register at the time any sex or inappropriateness, and I’m sure there are plenty of teenage girls that didn’t know what Fergie’s song My Humps was about, and they probably don’t realise Kesha is acting like a $2 whore when she sings:

Don’t be a bitch with your chit chat
Just show me where you dick’s at….
I wanna dance with no pants on…
I wanna be naked and you’re wasted.

Seriously? It’s like Gloria Estevan never happened.

My problem is that as I sit here from my almost-middle-aged perch, I notice young girls everywhere seem obsessed with making penises that belong to men they don’t know – hard.

It’s as if women have become so fed up trying to prove they’re equal, they’ve just thrown in the towel saying, “Stuff it – I may not get paid as much as you for the same game of tennis, but I can make you want me. I can make you beg for it. I can make you wish you had me, and if you’re lucky or if I’m wasted enough – you can.”

It’s a common theme in many film clips today. That – and the luxurious life of fame, sexual promiscuity, and violence. But film clip directors dress it up with styled sets and glamorous inventive costumes and hot looking guys and girls, and amazing choreography.

And we (and the media) applaud them for their creativity, for pushing the envelope, for their artistic expression, their originality.

For their ability to Shock us. Rock us. Roll us. RULE us.

 Are we that desperate for a surprise? Is our appetite for sex and beauty and danger and glamour so enormous that if we are presented with images that aren’t part-pornographic and polished and pretty we turn away?

Truthfully, I think there are many ‘consultants’ who tell these companies that if they don’t incorporate sex into the campaign, they won’t sell product. (Sadly, I’ve seen it happen first hand, and the consultants are right!) Likewise with pop artists… If they don’t get their raunch on and show the world they can change, the world will forget them, they won’t sell albums and they’ll stop being famous.

Right Miley Cyrus?

Right Gabrielle Cilmi?

Right Britney? Oh my beloved Britney… you sang, “All the boys and all the girls are begging to F. U. C. K me…” (If You Seek Amy)

Maybe they are Britney. And with one song, you’ve just made a million teenage girls wish that all the boys and all the girls wanted to F. U. C.K them.

Is that power? Having a million ‘unknowns’ want to get down your pants?

Art Buchwalkd, the Pulitzer Prize winning author says we need to stop comparing pop culture of today with ‘the good old days.’

He said: We seem to be going through a period of nostalgia, and everyone seems to think yesterday was better than today. I don’t think it was, and I would advise you not to wait ten years before admitting today was great. If you’re hung up on nostalgia, pretend today is yesterday and just go out and have one hell of a time.

Hell of a time???? I wonder if the girl who’s attackers got away with rape because she was wearing skinny jeans is having one hell of a time? Yes, a LIVING HELL I bet.  Because it’s possible that at the time she was just perpetuating the idea that it’s so cool to turn guys on. Yeah, maybe she was acting like she ‘wanted it.’ But isn’t that how she’s being told to act? Everywhere she turns??

In terms of how woman are portrayed and promoted as sexual objects and the fact that advertising and even the products themselves are aimed sexually at women younger and younger every week, I must disagree with Art Buchwalkd.

Here is an ad for Mr Leggs Trousers from the 60’s. The fine print reads: ”After one look at Mr Leggs slacks she was ready to have him walk all over her.”

It’s wrong, offensive too, no doubt about it.

HERE is an ad for American Apparel that had to be taken down after someone graffiti’d on it, “Gee, I wonder why women get raped?” Other than the graffiti, there was no fine print.

Both ads are for clothing. Both send DREADFUL messages to young girls and women, and men too. But only ONE image shows a woman posing passively in an attempt to make herself sexually available to whoever wants her? And THAT is what’s changed.

Just as Kesha said, she wants to be naked, while you’re wasted. Nice one. And who’s filming that?

And what about these photos?

Do these make you want to go and scrub your retinas with oven cleaner too? Or is it just me?

Lindsay Lohan didn’t just hit rock bottom when she did these. She smashed, crashed and made one hell of a mess falling. Because you know, bleeding wrists are like – so hot right now! And guns pointed at my face are such a turn on.

Here’s a girl who needs to lose her team of advisors and stop listening to other people. Because Linsday Lohan did not dream up these images. The photographers and stylists and set directors did. She’s a puppet, but she’s the one we all point the finger at and call a mess.

I first learnt about the term, ‘sexualisation and objectification of girls’ from some amazing blogs and websites like The Butterfly Effect & Melinda Tankard Reist. Slowly it’s a subject that’s reaching people….slowly.

Back when I was growing up I knew vaguely of women called ‘feminists’ who objected to other women entering beauty pageants and bikini pageants. I presumed these women were uptight, miserable and probably spent way too long at the library and not enough time having body hair removed. Cliché or what?

But over time, the penny slowly dropped. I once had a boyfriend that made me feel like an object. It’s a pretty random feeling when you’ve grown up being confident and sure of yourself, only to be told that your outfit is ugly, you need more lipstick, told to go put earrings on, told you’re putting on weight and might want to start exercising, and asked why you didn’t do your hair the way he liked it.

Suddenly I was basing my own self worth on how I looked. I became obsessed with being skinny, tanned, and buying clothes, and still joke that back then; I had a BMW in my wardrobe. Working for a Luxury French cosmetic house probably didn’t help either. My appearance was EVERYTHING, and who I – Cindy became, was about as clear to me as a Monet up close.

I sometimes wonder about Anna Nicole. I remember her reality show when she was possibly at her heaviest and the world was accusing her of being on drugs…. DER!

Then she lost all her weight again and finally, we could stop feeling sorry for her and laugh in her face again….Trailor-trash-train-wreck that she was.

Ahhh, Anna Nicole – back to your old ‘bad girl’ ways. You sexy blonde bimbo bombshell you!

(Incidentally, I’m wondering at what age the term BAD GIRL goes from being a scolding to a compliment? Because it is now you know? A compliment! Just ask Rihanna!)

And now here’s this. One man’s brave, brave apology to all women, for what has now become so accepted and normal.

It’s this clip that has inspired the above 1600 words. Sorry it was so long and possibly blah in places.

But I watched this and it opened up an envelope inside my brain. And envelope that has been stuffed with images and words that are always telling me I must look sexy, and hot, and desirable. Even after giving birth – I must lose that weight SNAP – so I can be one of those lucky enough to be called a MILF or a Yummy Mummy.

I’m sorry too Anna Nicole. Because I’m one of the people who called you trash, fat, drugged, cheap, and slutty. And sometimes you were – but I’m starting to realise it wasn’t all your fault.

The Marilyn Effect

I’m one of those people who’s fascinated with stars from the Hollywood Golden Years. Particularly Marilyn Monroe.  I’m not sure if it’s because she’s dead, yet still so presently depicted in pop culture, or if it’s because I’m drawn to the glamour that her life seemed so saturated in. I’m not alone either. In fact much of the world has a similar fascination – so much that (as announced earlier this morning) a new book will be released containing some of the writings of Marilyn.

Entertainment Weekly reported the following:  

The candle in the wind just keeps burning. Farrar, Straus and Giroux has announced that they plan to release a collection of Marilyn Monroe’s own writings. Fragments will include poems, correspondence, rare photos, as well as reproductions of documents handwritten by the blond bombshell herself. It is set to hit bookstores this fall. The book will purportedly show the seldom seen facets of the breathy pneumatic icon, who was in actuality a whole lot smarter than her coquettish image suggested.

If Marilyn was a star today, I wonder if she’d twitter.  She’s have loads of followers because there are literally hundreds that claim to be inspired by her. Elton John wrote an entire song about her, and Madonna has practically made a career out of copying her.  Actually Madonna is one of many current day female celebrities who sight Marilyn as ‘inspiration.’  Here are just a few examples of Madonna being Marilyn.

   

       

As fascinated as I am – and I am fond of her, I don’t see how Marilyn Monroe inspired anything but sexuality and vulnerability. Actually, not even sexuality. I get more sexually inspired by Matt Damon in The Bourne Ultimatum. Or Ryan Reynolds in anything..  

Today’s celebrities are more accountable than stars of the silver screen. Web based gossip sites, women’s magazines and tabloid newspapers have increased the demand for the ‘money shot’ – so today’s celebrities have to be on much better behaviour because you can guarantee the paps will be out in force waiting.

Stars of yester-year had no such pressures. They had their drugs, their affairs, their sex tapes and their rumours of abuse, but with little consequence because none of us knew about it until AFTER their death.  

Marilyn Monroe was one such star. Her father was unknown. Her promiscuous mother was committed to a mental institution. Her grandmother tried suffocating her at age 2. She spent her childhood in a nightmare of abandonment, neglect and rejection.  Shortly after choosing marriage over returning to an orphanage, she was discovered by a photographer and the rest is history.

Marilyn has been quoted as saying: “I knew I belonged to the public and to the world, not because I was talented or even beautiful, but because I had never belonged to anything or anyone else.”

Sad. Don’t you think?

The need for love that she was denied, taught her she didn’t deserve love, so she spent a lifetime looking for it.   Despite years of therapy, she was plagued by fear, anxiety, self doubt, and emotional dependence that often alienated those who were attracted to her. Such feelings of inadequacy became self destructive and led to substance abuse, sexual promiscuity and eventually her death – including enough barbiturates in her system to poison 10 people.Ok, so there are those who believe that the death was a conspiracy of murder because of her affair with JFK and the rumour that she was carrying his unborn child. Maybe – but whatever. Like we’ll ever know for sure.

I think she was a sad and depressed girl who was addicted to drugs, searching for love, and highly insecure. I also think she played dumb – big time. So can someone please explain to me why she is STILL constantly portrayed as a symbol of sexuality and glamour? Have we not all received the memo that being sexy is about being confident and self assured and happy? Again – besides style, what did this woman inspire?

I just don’t get why everyone wants to be Marilyn. Why she is still so commonly imitated and impersonated? Sexy she may HAVE BEEN, and there’s no denying her natural beauty.  But if society today was presented with a personality like that, wouldn’t we all cry ‘desperate bimbo!!!’ (And wouldn’t every dumb woman’s mag be calling her fat?) Despite the fact that she was actually very intelligent, loved reading and much smarter than she let on…  

   

Wouldn’t we all be sniggering at her and her sex tape (YES, Marilyn has a sex tape) least of all taking her seriously as an actress… Would she still be making hugely successful films, because last time I checked, blonde bimbo types don’t win Oscars.

Playing dumb is no longer cool right? Or do we really still look up to women who do this?  

We so quickly label women like Heidi Montag, Jessica Simpson, Anna Nicole Smith, Pamela Anderson, and even Paris Hilton as empty vessels – bimbos. Yet why does Marilyn walk away with legend status?If you don’t believe me – see below some modern day woman doing their “Marilyn Monroe” stint. 

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See? And there are even more but I think I made my point…  It’s not just Madge. Everyone from Nicole Kidman to the local drag queen has played her.

SoI guess I wasn’t that surprised to see JLO doing this to a late night TV show host in America….

Did Jennifer do this to get her ‘sexy on?’ Why couldn’t she sing as herself – you know J-Lo, sexiest woman of the year for 2 years in a row…? Does being sexy still mean playing the ditz? Are women still luckier with men when playing dumb than if playing the corporate high-flyer?

Pop singer Pink abhors the very thought of women who dumb themselves down.  Referring to her parody of women like Paris and Jessica Simpson in her film clip for Stupid Girls she said, “None of these girls are stupid, they’ve dumbed themselves down to be cute.”

So does it work? And are men really turned on by all this? Have women become socially conditioned to believe sexy = vacant? Is this why women everywhere are gagging to put on a blonde wig, white dress (or bed sheets) and red lisptick? 

Of course if I put this question out there to the blokes, many would tut-tut at the notion that a woman dumbing herself down is a turn-on. Nobody wants to own or be responsible for the Marilyn effect.  

Asking my husband the very question on what makes a woman sexy he replied, “Confidence, intelligence, and just an air of sexiness.” I prodded – was Marilyn sexy?  

“Yes, very sexy.”    

“Why? When she was never portrayed as intelligent or confident?”  

“Because she was gorgeous looking.”  

“So is gorgeousness enough to make a woman sexy on its own”  

 “Not normally, but for her it was.”  

 As you can see, insight into the “Marilyn Effect” is nothing but a blur.  

Me? Well if I was having a photo shoot and could be ‘styled’ as any woman, I’d hands down choose Audrey Hepburn but then the stylist would probably laugh in my face and say, no seriously?  

(Not that she was considered a sex symbol at all – in fact her role in Breakfast at Tiffany’s as Holly Golightly was supposed to be given to guess who? Marilyn Monroe, and the producers were very unhappy with the choice of Audrey as the lead).   

As much as I admire her, Audrey’s pixi-like features are nothing like my own and I just couldn’t pull it off. Maybe Cyd Charise, Bette Davis, Kathryn Hepburn or Sophia Loren… Women who were and are confident, smart, upright, talented… and dare I say it? Sexy!  

  

If you could be styled and photographed as anyone famous – who would it be?

Cougars – An Age or an Attitude?

Step aside Madonna, and take baby Jesus with you. Your time to reign as the Queen of all Cougars has come to an end.  Make way for the Grand High Dame of Cougars – Liz Taylor.

When the news that Elizabeth Taylor was engaged to a much younger man broke, I had already been collecting lots of info on cougars. I’ve been meaning to blog about Cougars for a while now, but the problem with blogging is that once information is out there for anyone to read, you can’t exactly make stuff up or provide info that is a pile of rubbish.

So let’s put an end to some BIG rubbish right now: Dame Lizzie T IS NOT engaged, I follow her on twitter, I know. She tweeted  at approximately 2am Darwin time this morning  the following: The rumors regarding my engagement simply aren’t true. Jason is my manager and dearest friend. I love him with all my heart.  Take a breath Mads, the coast is clear, you’re still number 1.

So anyway where was I?

Oh yeah, Mumma cats.

So I have all this stuff, insight, personal stories on younger men that date or (more commonly) sleep with older women – and its incredible how much information is out there on this not-so-new phenomenon. So much that condensing it for a blog is proving tricky. So much that I’m thinking of writing a book on Cougars. I could call it “Cub Love – your Guide to Dating the Older Woman” or “Cougar’s – an Age or an Attitude” or my  favourite so far… ““Cougars: More Than Just a Ferocious Pussy.”

Hmm – maybe not.

 

I don’t know if you’ve watched the show Cougar Town. I watched the first 2 episodes and decided there were other things I’d rather be doing with my time… like scraping toe jam out of someone’s toenails.  Meanwhile my husband thinks it’s a great show. I don’t know if I’m unimpressed because her character is silly, or if it’s because I can’t look at Courtney Cox and not think MONICA. I find myself thinking: Where’s Chandler? Where’s your adopted Chinese baby? And when did you quit being a Chef to do Real Estate? Who ARE these people?

Maybe Courtney should’ve branched out sooner. Maybe she should’ve sacked her agent and hired Jen Aniston’s, who has played so many ‘pretty girl who can’t get the guy’ roles – Rachel is now just a sweet distant memory.

Boy I’m really digressing today.

Anyway I read something that Cindy Crawford once said. She said, “I don’t want to be a cougar, I want to be a MILF. I hate that word cougar and what it represents. MILF is a word I absolutely love…..“Age can be daunting, but you can’t stop it. I know 20-year-old guys don’t look at me anymore. I don’t feel it like I used to. I remember walking down streets in New York at the height of my modelling career, my hair up, and all the construction guys would go crazy. It’s different now.”

  Ok – a quick word to Cindy C:  First up, I know plenty of 20 year old guys would do you in a heart beat. Second – Construction guys? Seriously – that is who you’re using as a guage post on your own level of hotness? Get a grip! Ask George Clooney if he thinks you’re hot because since your time together in Italy, every woman he’s dated has been a Cindy Crawford Clone.

 

I was intrigued that Cindy hated the word Cougar and what it represents. (What DOES it represent???) Meanwhile, when Susan Sarandon was asked if she minded being called a Cougar, she said, “No! I LOVE that!” And Demi Moore seems to be a bit over the term. She said, “I’m certainly not the first person to be in a relationship with a younger man, but somehow I was plucked out as a bit of a poster girl. I don’t know why that is. ….I’d prefer to be called a Puma.”

Excuse me Demi, but isn’t that the same thing?

I won’t name them all, but there’s actually a very long list of celebs that have been branded as cougars. Some of them I agree with, most of them not. I don’t believe a woman is a cougar JUST BECAUSE she is dating a younger man.

I’ve dated a handful of guys younger, some much younger – but did I feel like a predator searching for prey? No. Searching for play? Yeah sure. But who doesn’t do that in their twenties. To be honest I was usually a bit embarrassed to tell people the age of the guy I was seeing, or that we were even together at all.  

I used to think to myself – Cindy, find yourself someone more suitable. This one is too young. Send him back to the pool. Everyone is laughing behind your foolish old cradle robbing back. Find a man more sedate, more settled – with a paunch and a prescription for Viagra.

It was never my intent to use and abuse – to seek, seduce and be done with. I acted with them the same way I did with men older or the same age. Flirtatious but demure. I was never forthright, never aggressive and always played the part of ‘she who must be captured,’ not the capturer.  So I don’t believe I have ever been a cougar.

First of all, to be a cougar in the true sense of the word, I think you must be single. They’re felines or mountain cats who hunt younger men. The term gets thrown about so loosely these days – I’ve been accused of being a cougar many times.  I may be 4 years older than my husband, but let me just say – HE HUNTED ME. I asked a friend of mine who’s had quite a bit of experience with different cougar types to give me some insight. He gave me the following points to consider;

  1. Cougars are as individual as any other age group of women…
  2. Many Cougars seem to want what many men want: sex with no strings attached. But this depends on the age difference. The greater the age difference, the less likely they are to be wanting a relationship.
  3. Their dress standards aren’t completely different, I’d say that it’s influenced by two things, their socio-economic background and whether or not they want to exaggerate any assets they may have physically… so not that different from any other age group, though they may dress more aggressively.
  4. They do have different expectations; cougars are perceived to be the “in” thing at the moment. They expect more attention, if they don’t get it and they want it, they’ll generally fight to get the attention back on them.
  5. On the whole, most cougars tend to be far more self assured, know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it… In a guys eyes confidence is confidence, this translates to our perception of cougars, if they are confident socially then they must be confident in the bedroom too and that’s a turn on for most guys…
  6. Cougars are the same as any other women of any age group; alcohol tends to lead to drunken confidence.  I think with age though, people tend to recognise their limitations better, so they might not get wrecked but definitely drunk… yes they are better in the sack, which comes from the confidence I mentioned earlier.  Plus if it’s a one night/short term thing then I think cougar’s bring out all the tricks, “I’m going to blow this guy’s mind” kind of mentality…
  7. Conversations with cougars tend to flow better, because they are more confident socially they are less inhibited in what they will and won’t discuss, uncomfortable pauses don’t generally exist. Guys tend to be more confident too as we know what the cougar wants and we don’t generally care if the cougar isn’t interested and moves on…
  8. Let it be said that an attraction is an attraction regardless of age – which is why I think many men don’t put barriers on that kind of stuff.  I enjoy conversing with at least women of the same age or older, since I have no stomach for discussing gossip and what Britney is going to do next!

 He then shared these stories:

Was out last Saturday night and saw my friend (who’s got a girlfriend) talking to a couple of cougars, because one of them was a family friend… The other one (not my mate’s friend) took one look at me and grabbed my chest. I just laughed but didn’t push her hands away. After a few seconds she pulled her hands back and asked if I wanted to play with her chest. We’d barely exchanged a few words! She had large breasts but I declined (I’m growing up).


Secondly, when I was 26 I dated a 36 year old divorcee with 2 kids for nearly 5 months. It was a great experience, thoroughly enjoyed myself, I was actually pretty disappointed when we broke up, but we’re friends now. The sex was incredible!
   
My biggest question on what qualifies a girl as a Cougar hasn’t really been addressed, and that is the Dignity Factor.  I tend to think my friend’s second story did not involve a Cougar at all. Dignity implies decorum. It implies morality, poise, self respect. It implies that one is acting with grace and distinction. Dignity is not asking someone you just met to play with your jug-o-nauts.

 

I don’t think dignity would be a word used to describe the common cougar. Which is where I think Cindy Crawford and Cyclone Cindy agree.  The other Cindy (like me) is married to a younger man, but neither of us believe we are cougars because of what they represent.

 

The implied attitude and behaviour of a cougar is not one I take on board. In fact I don’t even think I ever let it on the jetty. Except maybe once when I was 18 and told a 17 year old boy at a party who’d just been making out with another girl that the colour lipstick he was wearing didn’t suit him, and that he should try mine…

If I am older than you, but not dressed provocatively, not forward, not aggressive, not interested in sex right away… Am I still a Cougar? If I’m just doing a little innocent flirting, but happen to be older than you, am I still a cougar? If you ask me for my number, if you call me and ask me out, if you date me and chase me and you make the first move,  but I’m 7 years older than you… Am I still a Cougar?

I asked a different male friend this very question. Apparently… YES I would still be a Cougar. You want to know why? (he says) Because even if I’m standing in a corner and keeping to myself, YOU approach me – YOU make the first move…. My very presence in the same club or pub or restaurant means I must be on the prowl.  If you’re not hunting for prey, what are you doing there in the first place.  (Cue me choking here.)

In other words… Please ladies – if you must age… do so at home!

Obviously I don’t agree with this line of thinking. Cougar-hood is all about a woman’s attitude towards sexuality with men. It’s about being overt, a woman who openly seeks to satisfy her own sexual desires. It’s being obvious and forthright.

I also don’t believe that women who choose to decline the title are women insistent on maintaining an inferior, more vulnerable status, which is the thought of some feminists.  Just because I’m more like Charlotte than Samantha from Sex and the City, doesn’t mean I’m weak, or against women’s rights for equality.

I’m not really a cat person anyway. I’m allergic to them so to me their pests. I’m definitely a dog girl. So yeah, guess what I’m saying is I’d rather be known as a fox than a cougar.

Some people think #2 : Tiger Woods – Back in the game.

Before starting today’s Some People Think – here is Nike’s new ad featuring the voice of Tiger’s father, Earl Woods.

  • Some people think Tiger’s new Nike ad is poignant but genius.
  • Some people think he must now be a mute.
  • Some people are glad to see Tiger back in action at the US Masters this week.
  • Some people think a Tiger never changes his stripes. Once a tiger, always a cheetah.
  • Some people think the marketing people over at Nike must be giving themselves high fives and doing air punches in Jerry McGuire style, because everyone’s talking about their new ad.
  • Some people think the press conference held in Georgia prior to the Masters tournament was too controlled.
  • Some people think Tiger’s continuous attempts at saying sorry are rehearsed and a little phony.
  • Some people think he behaved contrite, composed and polite at his press conference.
  • Some people think he should take up dancing after the number of questions he side-stepped around.
  • Some people think Tiger Woods must have some serious mojo in the sack.
  • Some people think you might as well just give Tiger his 5th Green Jacket right now.
  • Some people think that Nike and also Accenture, are cashing in on – and using a personal disaster and struggle at the expense of his family. (ad copy below reads: It’s not a setback. It’s a test.)

  • Some people think he is trying harder to win fans back than winning a game of golf.
  • Some people think Tiger is still a big fat liar and still has plenty of apologies to make (mainly his whores think this – but also his kindergarden teacher)
  • Some people (in Melbourne) think the taxpayers handing over 1.5 million to have him back in October this year is totally worth having the presence of a champion.
  • Some people (In Melbourne) think  it would be wrong to finance his Aussie comeback.
  • Some people think… DO THE MATH – a cost of 1.5 million = approximately $30 million to Victorian economy.
  • Some people think Tiger Woods brought new meaning to his sponsor, Nike’s catch phrase – Just Do It.
  • Some people think that 5 months is not enough leave of absence time, and that Tiger Woods should be rotting in a hole somewhere.
  • Some people think Tiger’s ‘hero’ status is tarnished forever now.
  • Some people think once a champ always a champ – regardless of where you put your penis.
  • Some people think Tiger has learned his lesson – and really just wants to get on and do what he loves – which is playing golf.
  • Some people saw Tiger with his phone out on the course the other day, and think that he should probably burn that thing.

  • Some people think in 5 years time we’ll all be watching this play back on Channel Nine’s “20 – 1, World’s Sexiest Sporting Scandals”  Oh wait… sorry, already been done!

 

I think Tiger is an amazing golf player. I think he and Elin must have shared some incredible moments together, for there to be enough love for her to not kick him to the curb. I also think Elin has a level of dignity that I aspire to. I think Tiger should be playing golf. I don’t think Tiger Woods is addicted to sex, or painkillers or sleeping tablets. I think he has been addicted to his own ego – addicted to himself.  The best thing to cure something like that is a large serving of humility and I think as he continues to gulp it down he will redeem himself to the world eventually, and more importantly his family.

What do YOU think?

Ricky Martin is Gay! In other news, President Obama is black, the Pope is catholic, and Cindy is in denial!

Actually I happen to have it on very good authority that Ricky Martin spent the evening of Tuesday 30 October …. In Melbourne following his final concert of his year-long tour, at Crown Towers Hotel on the top floor…. With SIX WOMEN!

Not that we all weren’t questioning his sexual tendencies way back then, everyone was. But there was that inkling of doubt with some… (well with me anyway).

I mean c’mon, She bangs She bangs? What was he referring to? His house keeper? Banging Banging on the door to let her in so she can Move and Groove around the floors with the vacuum cleaner? Did she look like the devil, but was busy like a bee? Cause the woman’s got one thing on her mind….    cleaning?

This is the Ricky that first got my attention. I was living in Sydney, it was the Autumn of 1998 and a girl I lived with Abi was screaming at me to come and watch something on the TV.

It was Ricky Martin singing in Spanglish… Maria. We were both equally mesmerized at the time, and sought out his CD in the non-English speaking section of the Music store. At the time he was not main stream.

 Then he sang that song for the World Cup soccer and Ricky Martin became a HUGE star.

I won’t share my Ricky Martin story at the risk of sounding like a little tramp. Let me just say the night of his concert in Melbourne was amazing… me in my red leather pants, Ricky in his… Meeting the dancers… Mmmm. Good times!

Oh I don’t know, how about I just ad Ricky to the list of: Men I Have Fallen in Love With That Have Too Many Gay Tendencies To Be Straight. It has happened plenty! I think that’s why I had to marry the blokiest bloke I could find. Even my maid of honour and best cousin Danielle made jokes about it in her speech at my wedding.

“In the past Cindy has dated men who she had a lot in common with. They would both sit and watch Singing in the Rain together, have couple facials and sessions at the solarium, they would both be obsessed with George Michael, and would both equally enjoy spinning around on the dance floor.”

Or something along those lines. Actually you know the gay one in Clueless, Christian? Spitting image of one of my exes.  Similar behaviour too.

 

So Ricky came out of the closet. A see through closet with big holes looking in.  And gay men the world over breathed a sigh of relief and said FINALLY!  

I might have been unsure of his sexuality back when his star was still shining brightly but these days his appeal has diminished, and sadly the world was far more interested in Heidi Montag’s 10 plastic surgery procedures than anything he did to help the Haiti appeal… because the world has simply made an assumption that by not answering questions about being gay – he must be.

I think when he really came out of the closet, perhaps without realising… was when he had 2 baby boys back in 2008. There aren’t many straight single men who use surrogates and have twin boys… Are there?

 

He posted the following on his official website early yesterday:

ENGLISH VERSION 

A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that  were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And this is something worth celebrating.
 
For many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that’s the stage. Being on stage fills my soul in many ways, almost completely. It’s my vice.  The music, the lights and the roar of the audience are elements that make me feel capable of anything. This rush of adrenaline is incredibly addictive.  I don’t ever want to stop feeling these emotions. But it is serenity that brings me to where I’m at right now. An amazing emotional place of comprehension, reflection and enlightenment. At this moment I’m feeling the same freedom I usually feel only on stage, without a doubt, I need to share.
 
Many people told me: “Ricky it’s not important”, “it’s not worth it”, “all the years you’ve worked and everything you’ve built will collapse”, “many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature”. Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth.  Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions.

If someone asked me today, “Ricky, what are you afraid of?” I would answer “the blood that runs through the streets of countries at war…child slavery, terrorism…the cynicism of some people in positions of power, the misinterpretation of faith.” But fear of my truth? Not at all!  On the contrary, It fills me with strength and courage. This is just what I need especially now that I am the father of two beautiful boys that are so full of light and who with their outlook teach me new things every day. To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment.
What will happen from now on? It doesn’t matter. I can only focus on what’s happening to me in this moment. The word “happiness” takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.

These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn’t even know existed.

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am. 

 I guess I’m happy for him, he sounds so relieved and happy and settled and at peace. No more livin la vida l0ca for this guy!

In some way when you’ve thought a man was hot for that long, and fantasised about singing “Private Emotion” on stage with him…  it’s a bit like falling in love with ice cream you THINK is low fat but is so delicious and perhaps a little too creamy and so you kind of suspected it might NOT be low fat… and then you find out it’s FULL fat – and in fact is actually very bad for you. (Because falling for a gay man is very bad for you, the ultimate rejection.) 

 

I hope he continues to make fantastic music. I posted a blog yesterday about music and how certain tunes make us move differently. Ricky Martin… dancing with your music inspired moves out of me I never knew I had.

I didn’t want to go there… but here I am!

 

I wasn’t going to post about the cheating scandal involving Sandra Bullock and her husband Jesse James because it’s all so tawdry and tacky (and every second blog has already covered it) but hey, here we go.

Comedian Chris Rock said this: Men are basically as faithful as their options. Funny maybe, but I don’t agree.

I wish I knew why men cheat. Not only because I like to have an answer for everything, but it would certainly shed some light on men I know and have known. I don’t know the answer but I’m gonna have a stab at breaking it down. I’m also not forgetting that plenty of women cheat – but I think their reasons are different and this particular post is dedicated to men.

Poor Sandy B. Literally days after the glorious achievement of winning an Oscar her world crumbles when she discovered through her publicist that husband Jesse James, was having an affair with a skanky piece of white brunette trash with a head like a footy after a grand final – Michelle McGee.

As the story unfolds, what has shocked me the most is not the fact that he was having the affair (knock me over with a feather, but a non-famous ‘nobody’ male, married to one of America’s Sweethearts, is a split waiting to happen. Did you see their pictures from Oscar night???? And there IS a pattern emerging here with Oscar winning women: Reece Witherspoon, Hillary Swank, Halle Berry, Kate Winslett…)

image by Dale Porter Killerimage.com – with my Perez inspired additions….

What has been more disturbing to me is the mistress, said skank, Michelle. The way she has spoken about him, and his wife. It’s almost as though she’s revelling in it, and it’s an attitude I first picked up on with a few of Tiger’s 14 mistresses.

I’m starting to think Divine Brown has a lot to answer for. Women who come from obscurity to front page gossip sites and magazines for ho-ing themselves out to a married man. I say the word HO, because they may not have been paid for the sex, but they are being more financially rewarded for telling their story than Stuart Diver. Which sucks, and is why I refuse to give Michelle more credit by posting an image of her….

Michelle McGee frightens me. Not just to look at, but the anger she harbours at the world. Her tattoos alone which include those that pay homage to the Nazi’s tell you a bit don’t they? Well she has taken her anger and just done a bit of venting on her twitter page.

(Warning – this link contains the yuckiest swear word I’ve ever heard and it hurt my eyes just putting the link in…but it exemplifies my point)

Can you believe this woman used to be Amish? Radar online reported her tweets as follows:

“For all you internet warriors on here talking s–t…it’s easy to place judgment when you’re sitting behind a keyboard. Get off your God d–n high horse, your s–t don’t smell like roses either. Let him who is without sin cast the first stone…in other words F–K YOU,”

(Like, that just MADE me want to do a post on her…some of my favourite moments in life have been those spent on high horses…)

Her wrath didn’t end there. She also turned her attention on former business acquaintances who have since spoken out about the tattooed-stripper since the scandal regarding her alleged affair with James broke. “Funny how Angry White Boy clothing rode my coat tail ’til he realized he’d profit more by “dropping” me..crazy how a short photo shoot for a favor turned into a “spokesperson” title…don’t forget why you’re getting all this publicity,” she said. McGee also hinted that this was just the beginning of her time in the spotlight: “enjoy your 15 mins of fame….they will be shorter than mine :).”

Jesse Jesse Jesse…. Are you on crack? You actually MEANT to sleep with her? Did you not see your hot wife in that nude scene with Ryan Reynolds in The Proposal?

Is it true what they say…. Like attracts like? Are you Nazi loving piece of scum too? Or was it just cold there in Sandra’s shadow, to have never have sunlight on your face? You always walked a step behind…..

The sound you just heard was me re-living a great cinematic moment with Bette Middler.

Why Jesse – WHY did you go and cheat? In part I can answer that. Men Who Cheat will cheat – regardless of how beautiful or successful or wonderful you are. It’s not about the girl. It’s about the guy. Gee I wish I knew that when my boyfriend of 4 months told me he was still going out with his long time girl friend (who he told me was long gone). Being the other woman without even knowing it, is the dirtiest kind of betrayal. It’s just one more thing to blame yourself for….

A few months ago, Sandra was making Tiger Woods jokes on the red carpet at the People’s Choice awards. She said, “If I were Elin… man, I would have hit a lot more than she did…I would have kept hitting…Yeah, she stopped. She was respectable. I’d get the baseball bat, I’d get everything out.”

Run for cover Jesse – because it looks like you’re on the same slippery slope to scuz-ville that Tiger’s been on since October. So far – Jesse has had 4 women claim affairs with him. Tiger had 14, and they are both examples of the first breed of cheater I will attempt to explain…

THE SERIAL CHEATER

Examples: Jesse James, Tiger Woods, Woody Allen, Mick Jagger, Jude Law, Ryan Philippe, Eric Benet….

With this breed of cheater, the thrill is in the chase and they seem to have no concept of consequences to their actions. They live a double life and are the worst kind of cheater. It’s not like they can say, “It was a one-off, it was a mistake,” or even, “It was just that one girl …” I think serial cheaters are insecure and love the ego-stroking effects of a new, admiring woman and the excitement that new relationships give. A woman who does not yet know how smelly his farts are, or how loud he snores. Her admiration is at a superficial level, and he likes it that way.

 The man that she knows is pretend, and their connection is artificial. Once it moves past that, he’s stuck with a stranger he may not even like as a friend, and so moves on.

Serial cheaters ALWAYS get busted because they leave women behind who feel used, or heart-broken, and are looking for an opportunity to get pay-back, and in the case of celebrity cheaters – pay cheques.

THE ONE-WOMAN ONLY CHEATER

Examples: Bill Clinton, Michael Jordan, Eddie Murphy, Donald Trump, Ethan Hawke, Billy Bob Thornton, Prince Charles, Alex Rodriguez, Richie Sambora, Dennis Quaid, Brad Pitt, Dave Navarro

He may be hard to resist, but not hard to catch, because the one woman only cheater will embark in a full on relationship with the other woman. This is a man who confronts his wife about the affair – sometimes followed by “I’m leaving you.” They don’t plan on keeping the affair a secret forever, and unlike serial cheaters, have no intention of moving onto someone new anytime soon.

They consider their affair a meaningful thing. They often fall in love with the woman, and find themselves torn between their wife and their lover, telling the lover every second week, “I’ll leave her soon.” Not that they always do. But often they do because many one woman only cheaters consider their lover their soul mate. Prince Charles is the perfect example of this one.

THE ONE-TIME “I wasn’t thinking” CHEATER

Hugh Grant

Often drug or alcohol fuelled, usually a HUGE moment of weakness and always followed by remorse. Which is why it’s one time only; because the guilt this type of cheater feels is too horrid to experience over and over. This cheater will most likely tell his partner himself, rather than wait for the affair to unfold. Unless he gets caught first, or his mates convince him otherwise…. or he find his pet rabbit bubbling away on the stove.

Oprah Winfrey’s leading expert on the topic, M. Gary Neuman, estimates that one in 2.7 men will cheat—and most of their wives will never know about it. Gary says 92% o cheating men say it’s not about the sex. “The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures. Men are emotional beings. They just don’t look like that. Or they don’t seem like that. Or they don’t tell you that.”

Poor sensitive souls… so neglected they have to pull it out and poke about.

Here is another theory – I saw this pearl of wisdom in TIME magazine online, last week and it claims that mothers who outsource care to their sons are raising adulterers.

Dr. Dennis Friedman says having two women care for a baby boy may cause his little brain to internalize the idea that there are multiple females to meet his needs. “It introduces him to the concept of the other woman,” he said in London’s Daily Telegraph.

Having two maternal objects, says Friedman, “creates a division in [the boy’s] mind between the woman he knows to be his natural mother and the woman with whom he has a real hands-on relationship: the woman who bathes him and takes him to the park, and with whom he feels completely at one.”

This dual-woman life, one for family and one for catering to his every need, might become a set pattern in his mind, so that when he grows up and feels like his needs are not being met, he strays beyond the home.

Oh brilliant stuff. We’re done blaming the wife. Now it’s the mothers turn.

I think men cheat because they THINK they can, and because it’s fun and it feels good and things are a bit rough at home at the time, and they are too weak and too lazy to do anything about it.

End of rant.

This morning I tasted Pussy.

No, it’s not a metaphor for anything. I actually. Drank. Pussy.

Pussy is a new (well I’ve never seen it but I DO live in Darwin) 100% Natural Energy drink. It comes in a skinny white can with black and pink writing, and I would put it in the same beverage family as Red Bull, Mother, V etc…

Reading their website was quite the profound journey for me. First was a page with a quote from Oscar Wilde, “Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like success.” This quote changes each time you log on. Then in fine print at the bottom of the page was this small sentence. “Looking for Pussy? To find out which bars and clubs stock Pussy, call us on 1300 PUSSY. ” Ugh, naturally!

The website is good. Simple and clever and consistent with the branding.… and aimed at certain males…. Metros, Yuppies, those not afraid to wear pink.
Here are some snippets. And be prepared, this energy drink may be 100% natural, but the drink has a personality, and values. I’ve bolded the bits I like the best.

The name Pussy shocks and demands attention – that’s the point. Inhibition is a recipe for mediocrity. This is a premium energy drink named with confidence.

Pussy launched in Australia in August 2009 and has met with a terrific response. We’re working to make sure you can get Pussy whenever and where ever you want it.

PersonalityPussy is spontaneous, entertaining, optimistic and fun. It’s a starting point. A moment when something happens and when things begin – Pussy starts conversations. It believes in having a good time as often as possible.

Values – Pussy is the first truly premium energy drink. We have sourced the best ingredients to create a great taste and a natural lift.

We believe in challenging the consensus – and moving things forward. Pussy is about natural energy, it’s irreverent, sophisticated and a pleasure to drink. Pussy is NOT about being serious, chemical energy, having a corporate attitude or being predictable.

Pussy is unique. It is made with a blend of fresh white grape juice from Southern Italy, pressed Mexican limes and lightly carbonated water. These are then mixed with Grenadilla and Lychee flavours, infused with six selected botanical herbs : Milk Thistle – Guarana – Siberian Ginseng – Sarsaparilla Schizandra Gingko Biloba

Look up any of those herbs, and they claim to do amazing things which will benefit our minds and bodies. A full run down on all the benefits is on the site, and truly – after reading all about them, it made me think that not only do I want Pussy every day, I NEED Pussy every day. And when the can was empty this morning, I did wish that I had more Pussy.

(PLEASE – if you’re going to visit the site for more information, make sure you put the word ‘drink’ after ‘pussy’. I didn’t and was slightly horrified to see a blonde policewoman wearing an outfit hardly appropriate for running after bad guys. Black eyes anyone? )

So I’m thinking that this drink is revolutionary. Not only because of the natural improvements to the mind and body, and the fact that taste-wise it is actually LOVELY… (refreshing and not too sweet like most), but also for the name. Jonnie Shearer, the 21 year old from the UK was really onto something when he had a ‘vision’ from his bedroom. Yes. Yes. I bet he did!

Which Energy Drink is leading the way at the moment? It depends which country you live in. But I would like to predict here and now that very soon Pussy is going to take over. Pussy is going to RULE.

EPILOGUE:
So I’m thinking of having my own bedroom vision. Yes I think I’ll create my own new natural energy drink with a big rooster on the can. Guess what I’ll call it? I don’t know what herbs I’ll use yet, but they’ll be good ones. And it will come in a GREAT BIG HUGE can, one so hard that it won’t crush. I’m not sure how I’ll market it yet, but I’m sure you get the drift….