I think we can all agree that sleep deprivation is more than feeling a little bit tired. Yes, yes, it’s a form of torture. As are many stages of ‘having a baby.’ I know that I would reveal top secret information and jeopardise national security if it meant avoiding having poo flicked one millimeter from inside my mouth.
Anyway I digress. Sleep deprivation can mess with your head because being that deliriously tired makes you just plain ole delirious. Unless you’re not sleeping because you’re on speed. That can still mess with your head but can apparently do wonders for your figure. Unlike what happens to me. I vaguely trudge into the kitchen, yawn, reach for the jar of Nutella and BOOM! Instant energy. Instant cottage cheese arse! But at night after you’ve brushed your teeth… Nutella? No. Energy? Gone. Phantasmagorically random thoughts? Yes indeed.
I wrote this particular waffle when I felt alone in my suffering. It could be a metaphor for something quite deep. Or it could just be that I was thinking how Eddie Murphy used to be hilarious when he did stand up and told some funny jokes like that one about the bear and the rabbit, and hang on a minute… Wasn’t that joke in his movie, ‘DELIRIOUS?’
Maybe he wrote that joke when he was feeling delirious, because maybe when you’re feeling delirious your brain releases stored images and memories of bears and rabbits. Like when you vomit – how your body releases years’ worth of stored carrot.
Ok. I’ll stop now.
PREFACE: A rabbit seeks out a bear in the woods.
RABBIT: Hey bear!
BEAR: What’s up, rabbit!
RABBIT: Do you like honey? You like honey right? Yes or no?
BEAR: How about stopping it with the stupid questions!
RABBIT: ANSWER ME
BEAR: Dude, yes. Duh. Of course.
RABBIT: Well… I just so happen to have a big thing of honey right over there.
BEAR: ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?
RABBIT: Straight up.
BEAR: Then let’s get down to business!
RABBIT: First… First you have to give me a big hug.
BEAR: No problem, I love big hugs! I’m a bear. Like…. I give ‘bear hugs.’
RABBIT: I mean reeeeally big.
BEAR: Stop talkin’ and start huggin’
RABBIT: That was … that was really nice.
BEAR: So… About that honey…
RABBIT: Yeah, about that.
RABBIT: I don’t actually … have any honey. Per se.
RABBIT: Yeah. I’m sorry. I just.. (sigh) I really needed that bear hug right now.
BEAR: I … I mean, I guess that’s OK. You could’ve just asked.
RABBIT: Sorry. I … I didn’t—
BEAR: It’s OK.
RABBIT: I just didn’t know how to—
BEAR: I said it’s fine.
[long, cold silence]