Vampires Suck – and so will this film BUT…

From the makers of Scary Movie, Disaster Movie and Date Movie comes another spoof… (Why do I feel so uncomfortable writing that word??)  Vampires Suck is a parody of the first 2 Twilight series movies: Twilight and New Moon. No doubt when the next film comes out, we’ll be granted with another spoof (eeuw, there I go again) that sends up Eclipse and Breaking Dawn .

I’m not a fan of this movie genre. At most, the imitation of characters and story lines is amusing but beyond that they’re just a waste of cinema space. Why would I waste money on sitting through a cringe-fest? I don’t leave the cinema uplifted, inspired, rattled, curious, overwhelmed, shocked or with tears falling out of my eye sockets from either crying or laughing.  I just kind of go, “Huh, yep…  the choc top was good.”

So as you can imagine, I will not be seeing this film. In fact the only way I’ll ever watch it from start to finish is when it comes out on DVD and it’s in the discount bin at JB Hi-Fi for $2.

However, just because the movie is overall bad, doesn’t mean there aren’t glimpses of funny, or moments of wow.

Here is one such moment from the film Vampires Suck.

Am I the only one that wishes I could be dancing and lip syncing to the song in that scene? I haven’t read the Twilight books but are there girl werewolves? I’ve got the right hair for it….  I just hope Madonna gets the credit she deserves for choreographing those moves, and they had better include Paris Hilton’s dog in the credits too.

Meanwhile, I wonder what Stephenie Meyer will think of the gay dancing werewolves? I wonder if any of the Twilight cast or crew will even go and see this film, given that it’s completely dedicated to their performances…. Probably not, actors like Kristen Stewart are far too serious to have a laugh at their own expense. But who knows?

If you ARE a fan of this type of film, here’s the official preview.

Just so I can write the word again… probably the ONLY decent spoof movie ever made was Blazing Saddles. It was made so long ago I’m not even sure what other film or films it was spoofing but it was a classic. Here’s one of my favourite scenes… Laugh Out Loud stuff…

Maybe it’s the fact that my sense of humour has never been particularly high brow, but I honestly believe the fart joke is one of the only things we can count on in life. A constant in a world of changing values and shifting boundaries.  

And if the makers of Vampires Suck knew this?

Well…. I would be  posting a clip from a scene where Edward and Bella are in their science class. It’s their first close encounter. Edward keeps covering up his nose, because he can smell something foul in the air. Like rancid dead rotting pig’s feet. But worse! Then we see Bella. She’s on her stool, and we notice she’s cocking a butt cheek in the air to allow the fart to flow freely, her sphincter muscles finally releasing the demons of her high school cafeteria lunch.

Now THAT would be a movie worth seeing.


One comment

  1. cheneetot08 · August 20, 2010

    Vampire real ly sucks

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