What’s up bitches?
Yeah, this is slightly disturbing. When I came across the BITCH LIST: supposedly written by third graders, I admit to having a silent snigger to myself, although it’s actually very sad and possibly the problem with young girls today. They simply know too much, and they’re using that knowledge to criticise other girls. Making a list of ‘why boys smell,’ I could understand. But it’s alarming that they’re already being so harsh on each other this way. (Sadly, they have the rest of thier lives to pull each other down and make each other feel like crap! Because we’re girls, it’s what we do right?)
You see calling someone a bitch no longer adequately summarises the apparent problem the accused seems to have. No. And why would it? Some girls wear the label proudly. It’s practically a term of endearment these days. Others use it as a way of addressing their fans. People like me… and Britney Spears.
But did you know there are actually 90 types of bitches?
I didn’t know that, but some bitchy little 8 year old girls have compiled a thourough and horrifyingly coherent list titled TYPES OF BITCHES.
Ok, here’s the background story… (and I should mention this blog is not 100% original. I came across the list while researching my next column, and it has already been blogged by at least 10 people).
Apparently a teacher at a charter school in Washington DC found this list on the floor of a third grade classroom.
Whether or not the list was actually written by an 8 year old or perhaps an older sibling is a mystery. The handwriting looks more 5th grade to me…. But I’ve personally witnessed some bitch-in-action behaviour by 5 year olds, so the concept of an 8 year old being this informed should probably not surprise me.
The teacher, no doubt astonished by the viciousness of these nasty little princesses, scanned the list and it’s been circulating. Page 4 is missing, so we may never know what other 15 types of bitches there are – out there causing grief. They’ll wander freely amongst us, unrecognised by the majority and will strike into full bitch mode when we least expect….
So here is the list.
Anyway, here’s a re-typed list. I have put an asterix next to all the bitch types I am or have been guilty of being…. Who Knew wearing trackie dacks made me a bitch??
1. Dirty dumb ass bitches
2. Aint got no ass bitches
3. Dusty trick bitches
4. Fishy bitches
5. Don’t know how to fight bitches
6. Got all that mouth but can’t step bitches
7. Ugly looking bitch that think they all that
8. Can’t keep a man bitch **
9. Track wearing bitches **
10. Bitches that be trying to steal your man
11. Hoochie looking bitches
12. Ain’t got no damn sense bitches
13. Stupid bitches that act dumb
14. Bitches who can only get a dirty boy
15. Want to be jocking bitches
16. Bitches who think their man love them but get pregnant and be left alone
17. Bitches who think they better than me
18. Instigating bitches
19. Talking behind your back bitches **
20. Loud mouth bitches
21. Pissy bitches
22. Stingy bitches
23. Funky looking bitches
24. Short hair bitches
25. Spanish bitches who think they all that cause of their hair
26. Bitches that be ignoring you when they know they can hear you **
27. Staring in your face bitches **
28. Big eyed looking bitches
29. Crazy bitches **
30. Nappy tender headed bitches
31. Booty shorts wearing bitches
32. Coast-signing bitches
33. Dick riding bitches
34. Whipped bitches
35. Buck tooth bitches
36. Cheesy teeth bitches
37. Same wearing clothes each day bitches **
38. Ghetto bitches
39. Hair dyeing bitches **
40. Wearing shoes that be talking bitches ** Yes, my shoes often talk… they say, “Look at me, I’m fabulous.”
41. Bitches who think they hard
42. Bitches that think they get money
43. Bitches that go to a dirty school
44. (page missing)
45. (page missing)
46. (page missing)
47. (page missing)
48. (page missing)
49. (page missing)
50. (page missing)
51. (page missing)
52. (page missing)
53. (page missing)
54. (page missing)
55. (page missing)
56. (page missing)
57. (page missing)
58. (page missing)
59. Gay bitches
60. Stanky fishy coochie smelling bitches
61. Tomboy bitches
62. Stain on your pants bitches
63. Dry scalp dandruff bitches
64. Dirty hair bitches **
65. Stealing bitches
66. Stinky feet bitches **
67. Big gap bitches
68. Protecting their store bitches
69. Pajamas outside bitches **
70. Ragly braid bitches
71. Stanky butt bitches
72. Greedy bitches
73. Slimy grimy bitches
74. Psycho bitches **
75. Drug dealing bitches
76. Geekin’ bitches
77. Suntanning bitches **
78. Goofy looking bitches
79. Triflin’ bitches
80. Skanky bitches
81. Mugging bitches
82. Sloppy bitches
83. Dirty fingernails bitches **
84. Dirty sock wearing bitches **
85. Uncreative bitches
86. White bitches that think black people poor
87. Conceited bitches **
88. Tall bitches
89. Short bitches
90. Jealous bitches **
I’m almost speechless. Almost. All I can say is that whoever made that list is being allowed to watch and read and listen to stuff WAY beyond their years… like Eddie Murphy DELIRIOUS and Kanye and Akon.
I would love it if Oprah or Ellen could get these girls on their show and force them to explain their list to a world-wide audience.
But it’s ironic…. Magazine editors, on-line gossip site writers, and people like me sit at our desk casting judgement on others and calling people names. But we’re adults so it’s ok right?
Look maybe I’m just having a moment here. I’ve had an eye opening morning that has left me feeling like I want to kiss the whole world hello… but perhaps if we don’t want to hear it from 8 year old little girls, we shouldn’t be saying it ourselves.