I’m Bringing Sexy Back (Darwin Life Magazine)

As seen in June 2010 Darwin Life Magazine

I‘ve mislaid my sexy and have no idea where to start looking for it. I’m not sure how you’d describe my current ‘look,’ but lately the way I’ve been dressing is less about making a statement, and more about making it out the door on time.

They say our clothing sends silent messages to others. If we had a speech bubble attached to us all day, would it say, “I’m too hot to give a damn?”

With the release of Sex and The City 2 in cinemas this month, I’m reminded that women can look sexy at ANY age. But it’s one thing to look fabulous in the heat when you’re sitting by a shady pool sipping Cosmos. It’s quite another to look stylish and put together when your life in the heat involves more than pool-side posing, lady lunching and cock-tales.

Is this why we live in singlets and thongs, wear minimal makeup, wear our hair mostly back, and have wardrobes full of items that don’t need ironing?

It wasn’t until I ventured south earlier this year that I realised how UNsexy I’d become. Not that Darwin isn’t sexy, Darwin shouts SEX.  (Just play a quick game of ‘spot the sex shop’ and you’re sure to run out of fingers…) But when you’re forced to pack a suitcase including your best and most coolest outfits, and you realise everything you own resembles the Playschool Wardrobe Department… that’s when it hits you.  

So I’m on Chapel Street, and it doesn’t just hit me that I’m unsexy, It slaps me across the cheek, and says “Lift your game!”

It was like stepping into a parallel universe where thongs do not exist. The Land Of The Closed In Shoe.  The Summer Of The Skinny Jeans.

My reason for bringing sexy back, as a happily married mother, is clearly not to pick up. It’s about returning from Baby Zombie Island to My New-Old Self.  But how?  I know it’s possible to look cool, captivating and couture up here instead of a sweltering wet rag. I do.

But where can I get inspiration… Hmmm…

Well, the good news is that my timing is excellent! Right now there are so many inspiring women to look to, to emulate… who are also bringing SEXY back! Like for example, role models seen in music videos.  Many of those female pop artists have brought back sexy in a MAJOR way. In fact, I think some of them got confused and accidentally brought back SLUTTY.

I’ve discovered that watching Video Hits is very helpful, very instructive. I know I shouldn’t bother with silly things like wearing a shirt. Because while I was busy using my fun bags to provide nourishment, underwear became the new black.

Which is totally fine with me, because living in Darwin’s heat, the less clothing the better.

You know, I’m starting to think the dancers in Darwin’s night spots are WAY ahead of me. TOT isn’t about flashing your pink bits. It’s about keeping cool. Coyote Tuesday isn’t about sexy girls in cowboy hats. It’s about wearing one-sided pants to allow your legs to breathe. And jelly wrestling? You do the math.

So I figure I can lift my game and bring sexy back EASY. I’ll put my back into it, put my ass into it, and purchase the followiing items: Hot-pink corset… Cowgirl chaps… Black push-up bra… Bikini with grass skirt… Bondage outfit… Numerous packets of raspberry jelly… Dignity… Oh no wait!

I won’t need any of that.

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