Another BOMB for Tom.

I am of the strong opinion that Tom Cruise should Just. Stop. Everything. I’ve thought this for a while now. So news of a new movie just reinforces my sincere and distinct lack of tolerance for this human being/alien as an actor or entertainer.

If there was an award for the Most Annoying Celebrity, Tom Cruise would be a record breaking winner. Along with Jordan/Katie Price/Oompa Loompa/Scrag Queen. Just these images of hime alone are annoying to look at.


Actually that one top-left of him is pretty funny!

So I realise today is SIDS day…. and also the 1 year anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death. I could be writing about why parents shouldn’t cram their baby’s cot with colouful fluffy pretty crap, or about how MJ’s death has made us all aware that he and his music were the pop cultural pavement of our time, giving millions of others a foundation to emulate, be inspired from, and eventaully walk all over…

But no, here at Cyclone Cindy,  today is movie preview day.

Right. So Tom Cruise’s new movie – Knight and Day – also starring Cameron Diaz is due to open soon.  There’s a lot hanging on this film for him… apparently. Some have coined this one his ‘comeback.’ But all I see is a fool attempting a loud, flashy crocodile smirking return to his previous role as Hollywood Golden Boy: A serious actor in an action/drama film with a wink and a smile. Ugh.

I don’t know about any of you, but the last movie I saw AT THE CINEMA starring Tom Cruise was Mission Impossible 2. I have seen Tropic Thunder on DVD, but he was not exactly starring in that one.

I think the last outstanding work Tom did was in Jerry McGuire. The last film I noticed him in and thought, ‘Oooh, that should be good.’ I haven’t seen any of those Valkyrie, War of the Worlds, Lions for Lambs, Magnolia movies, so I don’t even know if the movie, or his performance were worthwhile.

But that’s just the point. I no longer find any of his characters believable. He’s shown us too much of himself, the real man – out from behind the camera, and on to Oprah’s couch. There’s no more mystery to Thomas Cruise Mapother IV; and we haven’t been thrilled with what we’ve seen. Nobody wants to hear actors say things about themselves like: “I can be quite an exciteable person.” Or “You don’t know psychiatry. I do!” Or “It’s just like, Huh? Wow man, wow.” Or “Some people, well, if they don’t like Scientology, well, then, f**k you. Really. F**k you. Period.”

Way to win friends Tom. So now I consider getting dressed and leaving the house to go and see him in a movie a complete waste of makeup.

You can probably guess….I don’t like Tom Cruise. And I’m not alone. If you’re a woman you’ll probably agree that he turns your stomach and makes you want to hoik up a beige rainbow. (It’s beige from the popcorn, choc top and coke). 

So apparently movie producers of his latest film with Cam are just quietly crapping their pants.  Cameron Diaz is a huge drawcard for women viewers, but Tom is box office cancer and casting him is proving to be risky business.  (Just had to throw that in there…) So take a look at these. (Wait, I have to finish laughing before I can keep typing…)

This was the original poster for the film.

This is what it’s been changed to.

Poor Tom. BA HA HA HA HA!  So I guess his face was removed for obvious reasons…. And his first name is barely visible. But is it just me, or does Tom have a stump leg and does Cam look like she’s got man parts.  I mean is that even THEIR silhouettes?

Here is the movie synopsis:  In Knight & Day, Cruise and Diaz have a glamorous and sometimes deadly adventure, where nothing and no one – even the now fugitive couple – are what they seem. Amid shifting alliances and unexpected betrayals, they race across the globe, with their survival ultimately hinging on the battle of truth vs. trust.

(Ooooh, look! Tom Cruise on a motor bike! YAWN…..)

Meanwhile, the release date has also been pushed back from today in the US in an attempt to get a better opening weekend at the box office.

But unless they wait til next year – it’s unlikely to do that well when you consider some of the following movies coming out in the next 6 months:  The Twilight Saga – Eclipse, Toy Story 3, Killers, Shrek 4, Get him to the Greek, The Grown Ups, Going The Distance, Eat Pray Love, Wall Street – Money Never Sleeps, Iron Man 2, Harry Potter 7, The A Team, Salt, and Little Fockers.

So if producers realise we don’t want to see him, why do they keep casting him? Is he that charming?

Because I don’t find him charming, I find him annoying. Like a great big plate of obnoxious, sprinkled lavishly with bonkers, and served with a side of smug.

Do I think this will be a bomb? Sure it will. Cameron will regret the day she ever signed on as a co-star to that height challenged, mentally deranged, arrogant little twerp.

If you think I’m being harsh – watch these 2 very similar movie trailers and tell me which MALE co-star makes go Hmm-Mmm! And which one makes you grind your teeth.

Uuggh. When he says, “Im the guy, I’m the guy.” I just want to smash that big nosed midget.

Meanwhile – here are some male actors who know how to put bums in theatre seats. Yeah, that girl Bella is annoying, but I can sit through her incessant whinging for the wolf boy.

Here’s a preview:

So that’s all for now. Quick one today, I’m cleaning like a diva again!

I’m sure to be making some more snap judgements and grossly assuming predictions based purely on my dislike of certain celebrities very soon. Because I can. And also because I am an irrational and fanciful girl with a sad lack of hobbies and surprisingly impressive bottom.


One comment

  1. Sian Bell · June 25, 2010

    Loved it, spot on and funny.

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