A letter I Doubt I’ll be Sending…. To Kristen Stewart

Dear Kristen

Given that you are apparently a sensitive little soul, I would like to make one thing clear before you read any further…. By writing this letter, my intention is not to make you feel like you want to throw up – nor is it to make you feel as though you’re being raped.   I just thought I should clarify that after you said in Elle Magazine:

“All you see is an actor or a celebrity lit up but a flash. It’s so… The photos are so… I feel like I’m being raped. A lot of the time I can’t handle it. You want to be excited about something, normal people can be excited about their lives, and I am, too, but it’s such a different thing. It comes out as entertainment for other people and that makes me want to throw up.”

So we get that you don’t like attention, you don’t like the idea that your life is entertainment, you don’t really enjoy interviews, and you HATE having your photo taken.

In fact, you loathe having anyone take pictures of you so much that this is the charming and exemplary kind of behaviour you resort to:


You know, the more I hear from your smart little mouth, the more I want to smack you across the face and tell you to grow up.  I’m actually so bored reading or watching any interviews, I can feel my brain melting out of my ears, because it’s always the same tedious remarks…..

 “I didn’t ask for this.  I can’t handle it. It’s f**ked. I never expected that this would be my life.”

Are you stupid?  You actually mean to tell me that you signed on to be the lead female role in a 4-part movie saga adapted from novels by a best-selling author, and you didn’t expect to be in the spotlight? 

What made you want to be an actor? Because I think you should stick to small time theatre and TV commercials in Japan. Or start looking into other career option toot sweet. How do you feel about testing flavours of lip gloss? You’d be good at that. I’ve never seen an actress bite on her lower lip as much as you do. My guess is that you’ve already swallowed a lot of lipstick, so how hard could it be?

Probably won’t get the same pay though. Might not get to travel the world. Probably won’t be able to afford the house you currently live in or the car you currently drive. Might not get hunky co-stars to make out with either. Definitely won’t get hunky co-stars as boyfriends. Won’t get to have clothes hair and makeup provided free of charge for events. (I’m starting to see now how your life is so difficult).

And you absolutely will NOT get to explore your creativity by acting out a desperate pathetic girl who would rather give up her family and her education, and in fact die than be without a boy.

A girl who exclaims she is nothing without love. A girl who willingly accepts acts of domestic violence because of love. A girl who is really very smart but doesn’t want to be anything other than someone else’s possession…. 

Oh wait, that’s not your fault. Sorry, I forgot I was writing to you and not Stephenie Meyer.

Look Kristen, whatever inspired your career; it most certainly was NOT from looking up to and aspiring to be like multiple award winning actresses.

Women like Vivien Leigh, Ingrid Bergman, Hillary Swanke, Shirley MacLaine, Charlize Theron, Julia Roberts, Jane Fonda, Bette Davis, Susan Sarandon, Emma Thompson, Elisabeth Taylor…

These women understand what it means to be gracious, courteous, polite, accommodating and engaging. Nobody expects to be bowled over by your charm and friendliness (although there are plenty of actresses that have had that affect)…

But we also don’t expect somebody who wants us to support a film they’ve just made; to be rude, disdainful, surly and inattentive.

You know what? We don’t even expect you to smile all the time. You’re only human; you’re bound to have bad days too. But I get the impression you try NOT to smile sometimes.

I’ve heard you’ve told some interviewers that this is YOUR JOB. It’s JUST your job and does not warrant the attention you get. 


Position: Lead actress in Twilight Series
Duties: Read memorise and recite script, follow directions from Film Director, Act.
Requirements: Actresses are required to be punctual, well groomed and cooperative on set. There may also be times that require the actress to cry, look sad, look confused, look angry, look scared and make high pitched grunting and tutting sounds.  (No wonder you got the part!!!)
RESPONSIBILITIES:  PROMOTE FILM – including attending Film Premiere’s, Magazine Interviews, Photo Shoots, attending Award Nights,  carrying out all publicity as per contracted, much of which will require overseas travel.

So uh… exactly what job did you think you had successfully landed? Your JOB IS GETTING ATTENTION. Take away that attention, Kristen, and do you know what you’re left with?

People who don’t want to see you in movies. Which leads to poor takings at the box office. Which leads to less movie offers. Which leads to ‘Kristen Who?’

Which is what you want right?

I think you need to ask yourself how a rape victim might feel about your comments. Those who are traumatised and anguished – sometimes for their whole lives, as a result of actions they HAD NO CHOICE OVER.

You have a choice. If you are that disturbed by the attention you’re getting, you need to get off the fast track to The Land of Hollywood Success, and get on the one way express train to Mount Nobody’s Land.

Finally, you are currently on tour with Taylor Lautner. It would please me greatly to be in the same room as him, let alone pose on the red carpet with him.

Kristen. Kristen. Are you hearing me?

The wolf boy is hot-diggety-dog-doo-wup-wup-chk-chicka-chicka!!!  The least you could do is be happy with that! Because he is the only reason I go to see your stupid movies.  

Now go put a bra on, brush your hair, and close your mouth.

Ungratefully and indifferently yours,


UPDATE: Following this statement from The Rape and Incest National Network: “Stewart’s comments are regrettable. Portraying a rape survivor in the film ‘Speak’ should have led her to use a more appropriate metaphor to describe the intrusive nature of the paparazzi. Rape is more than an intrusion, it’s a violent crime, that causes serious long term mental health effects for victims.”

Krtisten apologised with this: “I really made an enormous mistake – clearly and obviously. And I’m really sorry about my choice of words. I’ve made stupid remarks before, and I’ve always reasoned: ‘Whatever. They can think what they want.’ ‘Violated’ definitely would have been a better way of expressing the thought. People thinking that I’m insensitive about this subject rips my guts out. I made a big mistake.”



  1. Sian Bell · June 2, 2010

    100% correct. That girl (as my mother would say) doesn’t know she’s born.

  2. Laura · June 5, 2010

    Agreed. Everything about her, from her surly face to her greasy hair & inability to sit up straight in a strapless dress bothers me. She’s “too cool for school”, yet no one cares … I’m pretty sure if you want to be a successful Hollywood actress, you’re in it for the fame, so shut the frak up! I never understand why people who make it big like this complain … what did you think if would be like?? Der!

  3. Pingback: Vampires Suck – and so will this film BUT… « Cyclone Cindy

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