D is for Donut. No Detox. No Donut.

If the saying that you are what you eat is true, then given the past 2 days, I must be a human rubbish bin full of crap. I am a nutritionist’s nemesis, a dietician’s disaster, and the opposite of Woolworths, because I most certainly am NOT a fresh food person. Not unless you count Krispy Kremes that just came FRESH out of the oven great big bucket of fat and sugar as ‘fresh food.’

Well there’s the Krispy Kremes, the cheese and crackers, the Cadbury Snack chocolate, the Butterscotch ice-cream and the three big spoon-full’s of Nutella.

That was yesterday. Let‘s not discuss today. It’s not pretty, and neither am I.

I should mention that I was on a flight yesterday with an itinerary that required me to leave home at 10.30am, with a return home (to an empty fridge) by 6pm. So, my stomach usually sees slightly more nutrition than that.

I flew Jestar – and always forget that unlike Qantas, they don’t bring you a tray with a bread roll, a juice, a ‘Neil Perry inspired’ frozen dinner with at least 1 vegetable, and a nice small single serve of chocolate. 

So I did what many people who fly Jetstar do…. I perused the airport food hall and found myself in line at Krispy Kremes thinking … Ooh, new flavours!!  This was a low point for me, because for literally YEARS I have been looking donuts in the eye and telling them to bugger off, but yesterday I cracked and bought a 6 pack.

I should establish that where I live there are only 2 far away, second rate donut eateries – hence the abandonment of such ideas as a sandwich, or wrap, or Boost Juice.

Anyway so yesterday was a Bad Food Day and I won’t beat myself up over it too much because they don’t often happen.  And when they do, I make up for it in the days that follow by avoiding junk and hiding the jar of Nutella at the back of the pantry where I can’t see it.

But do I detox?

No. I have NEVER officially detoxed.

There are people who SWEAR by it not only as a way to eliminate nasty toxins from the body that certain foods put there, and to drop a few kilos, but also – and more interestingly – as a way of re-programming or starting over.  They take their body back to zero, re-evaluate their diet, and make a conscious effort to feed their bodies only wholesome nutritious food.

They give their body a rest from processing anything processed.

A naturopath once told me (after I had expressed interest in detoxing and wondered what the best way to do it was) that our body detoxes itself. Our blood cleans itself, our kidneys filter out rubbish, literally – waste, and toxins are released constantly in this way, and also through our hair, skin etc.

She then told me the best way to help your body clean itself is with a warm cup of water with lemon or lime, (apparently anything bitter wakes up the kidneys, and therefore get the metabolism and digestive system going for the day,) and by drinking LOTS of water.

So recently a friend of mine on Facebook was updating her status with her daily detox diary. I think around day 3 she mentioned something about feeling yuk, as in wanting food and tired. So innocently I commented the words of my naturopath, thinking that if she was having such a bad time and that detoxing was proving to be too hard, then maybe the information would comfort her. (This is a young working mother with 4 children who I can imagine, needs all the energy she can get!!)

It turns out I opened a can of fairly toxic worms. Not that anyone was rude or critical, but it turned into a bit of a comment-fest for Detox Devotees.

I should mention that I admire people who have the will and the determination for the good of their own body to be so committed to such a cause.  I think people who can alter their habits for a period of time to give their body a ‘rest’ or ‘upgrade’ is admirable.  I can’t. I don’t.

Truthfully, I would love to try detoxing just to see what all the fuss is about, but I know myself enough by now to know my limitations. Besides, there are other things torturing me on a daily basis like sleep deprivation without the added torture of avoiding bread, or drinking straight castor oil, olive oil or vinegar right before bed. (Yech!)

There are of course celebs who swear by detox. Gwyneth Paltrow dedicated an entire website called GOOP  to her cleansing rituals and has said of her most recent detox, “It was not what you would characterize as pretty. Or easy. It did work, however.”  

Here is a woman who shares with us such tidbits as the dangers of ‘Master Cleansing,’ how she got in shape for her latest movie, her recipes for quick roast chicken and non sugar cookies, and where to eat out next time we’re in Marrakesh.  (Excellent, because I’ve been wondering about that for while now, and I’m back there again next week.) 

Paltrow claims her purpose for Goop is a charitable one: to share the vast cache of knowledge she has acquired as a result of being beautiful, wealthy and famous. I mostly read it for a giggle, and also to see if she’s ever going to tell us what happened between her and Brad.

But her commitment to diet and exercise is exhausting.

I have done it before… gone on diets and exercised madly for weight loss or health. But I’ve been riding the yo-yo since I was about 14, and I’m over it. Plus, I’ve realised that it’s almost impossible to follow every dietary recommendation.  Seems like every day an ‘expert’ is providing us with new information on what we should or shouldn’t eat.  It’s enough to make you cross eyed, let alone crazy.

One day red wine is good for you, the next it’s full of sugar and bad. Same goes for berries.  One day salmon and tuna are good for you, the next I hear that it’s full of oil and fattening.  Same goes for nuts.   One day butter is bad for you, the next day… umm, actually butter is still bad.


I have learned to listen to my body. It talks to me all the time. Not in an Olivia Newton John, Lets Get Physical  kind of way… But it tells me what I should be eating. As long as I listen, I’m usually fairly healthy and don’t gain weight.

If my body tells me it needs energy, I give it chocolate. If it feels like it needs water, I skull a 750ml pump.

My body is actually talking to me right now. It’s telling me that it feels a bit like a big round ball of fatty dough that’s been dumped in hot lard and covered in sugar and chemicals. So I’m listening, and  I’m going to do what anyone in my position would do….

Detox? Naaah!

Finish off the other 4 donuts for breakfast and lunch so that by tomorrow the temptation is gone, and I can go back to normal healthy eating.


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