Beam me up Scotty – we’re being INVADED!!!

Well according to the front page of my local paper we are. That was the headline… WE’RE BEING INVADED. And if my local ‘News Limited’ publication tells me it’s so… then it’s totally true ok?

Yesterday’s front page of the NT News read as follows:

WE’RE BEING INVADED – A MASS of UFO sightings has Territorians wondering if we are on the brink of an alien invasion.  

There have been seven separate Top End UFO sightings reported in the past week. Hardly a night has passed without a sighting of some “unexplained phenomena” since the first sighting last week.

Almost all of the sightings have been in Darwin’s rural area.

The first sighting was reported by a woman who wanted to be identified only as Shirel on April 21.  She said she saw the strange lights from her Humpty Doo home hovering over Howard Springs.

“The lights were really low in the sky, really bright, with flashing dots,” she said.

“Three of them formed a semi-circle and they hovered over the area for at least half an hour.”

 

It continued to list sightings, and if you’re remotely interested, you can click here to read the full article. 

My question is this: Are the local video stores paying off the paper in an effort to sell more copies of AVATAR on DVD??? (I know, welcome to Cynical Island. Population – Cyclone Cindy).

I don’t doubt alien’s existence; I very much believe there are other worlds – and other life forces habitating those worlds. What I find hard to believe is that aliens love Darwin, visit regularly and particularly like to visit in the dry season.  (Yes, because the clouds have gone, the rain has stopped, and you can actually see the planes fly over now…)

Planes might be one theory, but as per the report, astronomer Geoff Carr believes 99.9 percent of all sightings could be explained as simple weather phenomena. He said, “Unless aliens have found a way to travel faster than light speed, it’s a doubtful thing to believe they came to visit us.”

According to this website  created by Alan Ferguson, which is dedicated to exposing alien visits to the Top End – You have to be patient and have plenty of time to look for them as they are there! I have seen hundreds of them having captured at least 12 really good pictures. 

How is it that Alan has “plenty of time” ?? Is someone paying him to do this? The NT News perhaps?

His website also says: Welcome to the UFO capital of Australia – Here in the Northern Territory of Australia we have the most UFO sightings than any other place in Australia.

Um, we also have the highest consumption of alcohol than any other place in Australia.

Coincidence? I think not!

Scepticism aside, if for any reason the NT News know something we don’t, and are simply upholding their duty to inform and warn the public of any possible dangers to its readers… then shouldn’t we also be receiving instructions on what to do if one of these visiting alien ships decides to invade?

 

Why haven’t the Darwin government appointed their very own Kay and Jay? They wouldn’t be Men In Black. It’s way too hot up here. They’d be Men In Khaki. They’ll be scum fighting super agents, regulators of all things alien on…  Planet: Earth. Country: Australia. Town: Darwin.

Seriously though (because the NT government can’t afford an oncology unit in the hospital, let alone Alien Super Agents)… what would you do in the event of an… (how did the NT News put it?)… INVASION!!!

Well pass the yellow skivvy and call me Captain Kirk, because here are Cyclone Cindy’s tips for surviving an alien attack. I have researched various films and tv shows, and believe this list contains the most effective ways to combat aliens.

WHAT YOU’LL NEED:

  • Bravery
  • Access to water
  • A super soaker or giant sized water pistol
  • A good set of speakers
  • A Garth Brooks or Shania Twain CD
  • A bad case of the common cold or flu
  • A key to the NT Army Barracks infantry supplies room.

TIP ONE – An alien’s skin is hydrophobic and water creates a reaction when it comes in contact with an alien that dissolves it. Just like the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.

TIP TWO – Some theorists say that loud country music will make an aliens head explode. This hasn’t been proven, but I’d believe it. It sometimes does the same to me.

TIP THREE – Sneeze on them. Turns out aliens do not have any immunities to diseases here on earth. Therefore, they can die from a simple case of the flu.

TIP FOUR – There is of course the old fashioned suggestion which is not so fun and includes shooting, stabbing, impaling, beating, or maiming them. Also I’ve heard setting booby traps can work but sorry, I’m not very knowledgeable when it comes to traps.

WARNING:

  • Always be very careful when dealing with aliens
  • Maybe try a combination of the techniques mentioned
  • Do not let them capture you whatever you do! This never ends well.

I want all my readers to know that I don’t BS on this blog. I may have embellished the meal my husband got on his birthday in the closing paragraph of this blogbut generally, I keep it real.

And here’s proof. Wanting to know if my research was accurate, I cross referenced a video on You Tube.

And here it is… Surviving an Alien Attack

Aaaah, Good old NT News. I should thank them for giving me something to think about last night, and then write about today. Thank them for EACH and EVERY front page that helps me remember I live in a truly unique city, infested with not just crocodiles, but aliens too. And Yowies. Yes, that big footed fictional creature exists… but only in Darwin.

Most of all I should thank the NT News for giving me another opportunity to publish this: perhaps the best front page of all time.

Advertisements

3 comments

  1. sonia griffiths · April 30, 2010

    Bring them on ! can’t be worse than the British invasion we are suffering here in the northern coastal part of Perth….ha ha

  2. Pingback: Slinging MUD… When words become weapons & the NT News becomes TRASH. « Cyclone Cindy
  3. Pingback: Manscaping (Darwin Life Magazine) « Cyclone Cindy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s