I kissed a girl, and I liked it.
Last Thursday 17 year old Miley Cyrus performed her new song “Can’t Be Tamed” live on stage for popular TV show Britain’s Got Talent. Taking a cue from Britney Spears, Miley (who seems determined to prove to the world that she is all grown up) simulated a girl-on-girl kiss with a female backup dancer.
Here is the footage of her performance. Look out for the kiss at about the 1.20 mark.
Miley has denied that it was a simulated kiss, instead calling it ‘rocking out’ and telling the media to leave her alone and try paying attention to more important things like ‘world peace.’
Ok, so I’m not going to spend time writing about Miley. Clearly, she’s an idiot. I know there are those that think she is just a product of today’s society but PUH! to that. Everybody has choices, and I’m sure hers are very informed and often calculated.
Also, writing about WHY Miley is on the verge of becoming an honorary member of Sisterhood Of The Skanks will take me hours of browsing the internet for sleazy photos of her, silly things she’s said, and annoying videos of her. So no.
What I want to explore is why girls kissing girls is like, so hot right now.
It seems to be a trend. One that emerged long before Katy Perry’s song, long before Britney and Madonna’s performance at the MTV awards, even long before that scene in Wild Things with Denise Richards and Neve Campbell.
UPDATE: Even Sandra Bullock is in on the action…. first it was Meryl Streep, now (yesterday) it was Scarlett Johansson….
I’m sensing Sandy likes to hold the face when locking lips. Meanwhile, she’s already kissed Scarlett’s husband in the movie The Proposal… so I guess she’s keeping it in the family…Hmmmmm I know who’s kiss I would prefer!)
More and more girls are taking up the practise…. So can someone explain to me why girls who are NOT gay or bisexual, feel the urge to make out PUBLICLY with other girls.
Oh wait, I can probably answer that one. I’ve kissed a girl before. (Not overly proud of that – but there you have it).
Probably the best way to explain how this happened is to interview myself about the experience. (Mum, if you’re reading, feel free to log off now……)
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So Cindy, tell me about the time you kissed a girl:
It was a fairly wild time in my life. I was at a club, and a guy approached me, asking me if he could buy me a drink. I explained that my boyfriend over there might not like that. He said if he was my boyfriend he wouldn’t let me out of his sight, but I explained that my boyfriend was annoyed at me for wanting to tag along on a boys night out. He fed me the usual line about how he’d rather spend a night with me than his mates… yada yada yada, and in the end I figured the best way to lose him was to tell him straight out, “Dude, you won’t be getting anything from me tonight so you might as well move along… I’m actually looking for girls to spend time with tonight.”
He took that as some kind of perverted mission, and came back with a girl on his arm about 5 minutes later. He introduced us to each other and said, “Cindy’s boyfriend is over there and he’s annoyed with her.” The girl then said to me “So I understand you want to kiss a girl instead.” Ummmm….. I never really said that, I just wasn’t…..
Then she lent in and kissed me.
So she kissed you. You didn’t actually kiss her?
Technically, yes. That’s right.
Well you may want to re-think the title of this post… you know if it’s not technically correct…
Well thank you smart arse, however this is my blog, and my interview, so I’ll call it what I like.
Just trying to help. Let’s move on. So if she kissed you… did you pull away?
No.
Why not?
Why not?
Duh, that’s what I said…. ?
Hmm, I know, just thinking about my answer… no need to be bitchy!
So? Was it the taste of her cherry chapstick?
I guess like the song says, I did sort of like it. I was a bit shocked at first, but I was also slightly intimidated. She seemed a little older than me, and she was tall and in a stunning dress and had a great body, and she was gorgeous looking, with long curly brown hair, and amazing eyes. She looked like the kind of girl I’d look and think, “Wow, wish I looked like that.”
So you kept kissing her purely because she was beautiful and you were intimidated? To be honest that seems … not legit.
Therein lies the absurdity of it. The intimidation is why I let it happen. Once it had started it was unusually nice. Softer. More gentle. Then I realised that possibly the hottest girl in the room was making out with me and I felt strangely flattered.
Did you get attention from it?
Is Ricky Martin gay?
I’m asking the questions!
Well that isn’t why it happened in the first place, (which I believe is why a lot of girls do kiss each other), but I opened my eyes and looked up and realised there was a crowd of guys around us. Yeah. Including my boyfriend and his mates… Saying stuff like, Oooh, yeah! Go Cindy! Not my boyfriend. He wasn’t saying anything.
How long do you think you actually kissed for?
Not sure. She kissed me that first time. Yes, I looked up and noticed my cheer squad, and being the attention seeker I was back then, went in for more. Not that it was purely for attention, it also happened to be a nice experience at a time when I had been feeling dejected and lonely.
So you did kiss her after all.
No, I’d say the second kiss was mutually timed.
Did you question your sexuality, given that you liked it?
Not for a second.
Do you think it’s strange that a heterosexual girl might enjoy a kiss from another girl without taking into consideration the obvious enjoyment of male attention?
Yes, I do. Very strange.
So you admit that you’re strange?
No comment
How did it all end?
My boyfriend announced to his friends that we were leaving, and dragged me out of there faster than you can say Portia de Rossi.
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So there you have it. No, not a proud moment, in fact not even one that I care to remember which is possibly why by pretending to interview myself, it’s as though it happened to someone else, because looking back it’s as if it did.
Why am I not proud of it? Big deal some of you may say… it was a harmless kiss.
Well for a start – I HAD A BOYFRIEND – so no matter who I was kissing, in every sense of the word I was being unfaithful. Being facially intimate with someone other than your partner is cheating. Incidentally, at the time it gave me a greater understanding of the expression some people often use after indiscretions: ‘It meant nothing.’ Because to me it really meant nothing.
But did it? Perhaps to me personally at the time, but what were my actions telling people?
If it means nothing, then why do guys love it. If it means nothing, then why do pop stars keep doing it, and why is it becoming so common, there’s a new term called BARsexuals. Meaning girls who kiss at bars for male attention. If it means nothing, then why has there been a media storm following Miley Cyrus’s performance the other night as there was following Madonna and Britney’s kiss?
It doesn’t mean nothing at all. It means something! Something I wish I knew how to explain coherently.
You might think Miley at 17 is very young to be depicting this kind of sexuality – on a world stage. But sadly, girls as young as 14 and 15 are pashing other girls for the same type of attention.
On Tyra Banks talk show, she addressed this with a girl who frequently made out with girls at parties for male attention. It’s 8 minutes long but interesting to watch.
I asked a couple of guys why they bestow so much attention on girls that make out. Why is it so hot? I don’t get all excited watching 2 males kiss, so why do they get excited watching 2 girls kiss?
The answer can be summed up with 2 main reasons:
- Because when 2 women kiss it’s more sensuous and gentle and feminine than when a guy and girl kiss. When men see a guy and girl kiss, they think ‘Get a room,’ even if the girl is hot. They can’t imagine themselves in that equation, some other guy is already there. But with 2 girls, they think to themselves, “I could be in on some of that.”
- Because men know it doesn’t mean we’re actually INTO each other, it’s just a show and they know that. But it also means we’re into ‘performing’ to get them turned on.
And perhaps this also explains why most women don’t get aroused watching 2 men kiss. We don’t objectify men in a way that turns them into a performance for our pleasure. We also aren’t so presumptuous, arrogant or visually motivated to assume: “Oooh, 2 guys making out – I could so be in the middle of that….” We just accept that they’re gay men kissing and move along.
But as I’ve made clear with my own experience – male attention is not the only reason girls kiss girls. Despite my LOVE of feeling centre stage back then, that isn’t why the kiss came about.
I think there are other reasons.
Perhaps some girls are exploring their sexuality and question an attraction to other women. I can openly admire a woman’s body and face knowing that it’s simply an admiration. It doesn’t mean I want her for myself. (Hello Giselle!) But when you become a teenager and you are starting to notice other girl’s bodies and pretty faces – I can understand how it might equate to confusion, and a girl questioning her reason for finding another girl attractive.
I also think girls may kiss girls because they’re imitating their idols – and pop culture. As I’ve mentioned if the cool celebrities are doing it – or even pretending to do it – then it must be cool.
Finally, I think one reason is for the simple human emotion that comes with such affection: acceptance, excitement, passion, happiness and love.
I don’t think it’s a trend that is going to die off any time soon. In fact I predict it will become more apparent and common in pop culture, at bars, in schools – everywhere. Not only because of pop idols like Miley and Britney, but also because lesbian women have come out of hiding and are openly and proudly telling the world… we kiss girls – and we like it!
As the mother of a daughter, I worry a lot about what her world will be like, and what she will be expected to participate in to be accepted by her peers. Will she need to lock lips with her BFF in order to seem attractive to guys? I’m shaking my head in grief wondering about that one…..
